


99 Problems

by bamboozledeagle



Series: Hero's Chat [2]
Category: Darkwing Duck (Cartoon), DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)
Genre: Angst, Family, Family Fluff, Herodads, Negaverse, friends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-07-15 16:50:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 32
Words: 24,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16067279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bamboozledeagle/pseuds/bamboozledeagle
Summary: This is where I'll be expanding some chapters from their Chat form into a normal fic format and where I'll be posting my response to prompts for this AU.





	1. Donald gets traumatized

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 10 expanded from Donald's point of view. 
> 
> Warnings: Character dies for a couple minutes, blood mention, someone gets stabbed

He’s sitting in the lab with Fenton, discussing the ins and outs of the PK car when he gets Darkwing’s text.

[iamthenight: Fenton I know you’re literally a room over, but can you turn the television down?]

“Hey, Fenton?” he calls, and the younger duck turns away from the whiteboard in front of him. His equations are forgotten in favor of Donald’s next question, “Did you get Darkwing’s text?”

Fenton takes out his phone and frowns at it in confusion. Donald has a bad feeling about this.

[alienpuncher: ???]

[BlatheringBlatherskite: ???]

He snorts at their similar messages and Fenton gives him a sheepish grin before he goes back to typing.

[BlatheringBlatherskite: I’m at the lab??]

There’s a moment where Darkwing doesn’t respond and Donald can almost feel the doubt radiating from the other side of the phone. Drake probably thinks they’re messing with him. Donald begins typing out Fenton’s alibi.

[alienpuncher: He’s sitting right next to me???]

But if Fenton is here…then who’s with Drake?

“You don’t think…” Fenton starts, he’s cut off as their phones buzz simultaneously.

[iamthenight: WELL THAT’S NOT A GOOD SIGN]

“Get to the car.” Donald rushes out and while Fenton summons his suit, he bolts towards the elevator. It’s fortunate he drove it to the bin or they might have lost precious minutes.

He taps his foot impatiently while the elevator ascends to the garage, the monotone music above him does nothing to calm his nerves. The moment the doors open he dives out and hustles over to his red car.

He starts it and pushes the button that will turn it into a plane. The wheels retract, and wings fan out from hidden compartments. Soon it’s hovering over the gravel, ready to fly. 

Gizmoduck comes out of the stairwell and hops on top, grabbing onto the back of Donald’s seat. His white suit is splayed over the right side of the car and at Gizmo’s order, a hook shoots out to wrap around the car, effectively attaching himself to it.

“Ready?” Gizmo nods and Donald takes off.

“This is so cool!” He hears over the roar of the wind. Donald laughs at the pure joy in his friend’s voice. Gizmo has to tuck his head next to Donald’s, so the windshield protects them both from the worst of the wind’s sharp, whipping movements.

It’s been so long since he last gripped the wheel in his hands - off to battle a threat greater than anyone could handle alone. But he’s never been alone, has he? He may not have Uno, but – he glances over at Gizmo – he’ll have allies in Fenton and Drake and Launchpad and G - oh crap, Gosalyn.

Donald takes his phone out.

[Donald: I’m going out with Drake tonight, can Gosalyn stay over with the kids?]

That’s a good cover story, right? Beakley knows about Drake from when he and Gosalyn came over after the Beagle Boys and the Magica Incident. He hopes Beakley agrees to it.

[Beakley: I suppose]

Donald sighs in relief and shares a smile with Fenton who was watching the whole thing.

[Donald: Thanks Mrs. B]

[Donald: I owe you one]

Donald grins, happy to know Gos will be safe, and Fenton whoops as he urges the car to go faster, the land beneath them blurring into a smear of different colors. He should do this more often.

Eventually, they get close enough to see St. Canard appear on the horizon.

[alienpuncher: We’re almost there, what’s your status?]

The rush of adrenalin dies as he sinks back into his hero persona. The time for fun is over, it’s time to get down to business.

[iamthenight: I’m chasing NegaFenton with LP and Gos, we’re heading towards the warehouse on 51st street and SHUSH is standing by]

Donald pulls up the map on the GPS and directs the plane towards it before he responds.

[alienpuncher: I’m putting Gos in the car to go to the Mansion the second I reach you. I’ve already taken care of our cover story.]

[iamthenight: Thanks.]

He gets a text from an unknown number and updates Darkwing on his own agency’s movements.

[alienpuncher: You-know-what is also on standby.]

If the heroes go down, then it will be up to SHUSH and the Agency to stop the Negas. The two secret organizations are a last resort, and they’re not taking any chances.

Gizmo spots the warehouse before Donald does.

[BlatheringBlatherskite: We’re here!]

[iamthenight: Our Negaselves are the only ones I see. Gos is by me, so put her in the car and we’ll get the drop on them.]

Donald steers over to where he sees a familiar purple shadow that he might not have noticed if not for the bright red hair of his companions.

[alienpuncher: Four on four? No fearsome five?]

Dare he hope it turns out to be that simple?

[iamthenight: Correct.]

Donald lands the car a few feet away, before sending one last text.

[alienpuncher: Then let’s get dangerous.]

He hears Drake’s outraged cry before he gets the mallard’s response.

[iamthenight: GET YOUR OWN CATCHPHRASE]

He smirks at his friend and hops out of the car while Gizmo unhooks himself.

“Uncle Donald?” Gosalyn runs up to him, surprised to see plain old Donald Duck show up to a fight with Negaduck.

“Hey, Gos!” He picks her up and puts her in the driver’s seat of the car, “You’re going to hang out with the boys and Webby while we take care of this.”

She protests, “What? But I want to help! What if you need someone to whack them on the head?”

Donald pulls his suit and shield out of the trunk. He slides them on and tosses his hat and uniform inside before shutting it again.

“I’m sure we’ll manage.” He comes back around to look at her.

She gasps at his outfit and the mask that’s still in his hands, “You’re the Avenger?”

He puts a finger to his bill, “The boys don’t know so please don’t say anything.”

She furrows her brow in indignation, “Hey! I’ve kept Dad’s secret this long, haven’t I?”

“You drive a hard bargain, Gos. I’ll bite.” He ruffles her hair.

“We’ll call Mrs. Beakley once everything’s been settled.” Darkwing hugs her.

“Be safe dad.” She mumbles into his shoulder

“You too.” He mumbles back, resting his head on top of hers for a second before pulling away.

Donald puts in the address of the mansion and all four ducks wave her off as the car takes to the sky.

“What’s the plan, DW?” Launchpad asks as Donald ties his mask on for the first time in years.

“Stay together and try not to let them split us up. This is our turf, so they don’t have backup or the advantage of knowing the city’s streets. Negaduck can’t beat me in a fair fight, so expect them to play dirty.” Darkwing takes charge. The other three ducks huddle around him.

“I’ll go in first and then you three follow to get the drop on them. Okay?” he finishes.

“Got it!” Launchpad enthuses

“That’s our plan? We go in guns blazing?” Donald questions. Then he thinks about it, and shrugs, “Eh, it’s worked for me before.”

“Really?” Fenton asks, shocked.

“Never underestimate the power of YOLO.” Donald advises, “Most of your enemies aren’t expecting it so it catches them off guard.”

At Gizmo’s incredulous look, he adds, “That, and it never hurts to be good at improvising on the fly.”

“Alright, everyone ready?” Darkwing interjects and at the other three’s nods, he vanishes in a cloud of smoke.

“I am the terror that flaps in the night…”

Launchpad cracks his knuckles, Donald does the same with his neck, Gizmo’s suit whirrs, and at the sounds of a roaring chainsaw, they leap into battle.

Donald’s foot collides with Negaduck’s face and his shield fires at someone who looks like Launchpad. He sees Gizmoduck collide with a slightly larger mechanical suit and Launchpad swings at a duck that looks like Donald.

It doesn’t take a genius to realize who’s who. NegaGizmo’s suit is all sharp edges and a blue logo screams out against the pitch black of the rest of the metal. NegaFenton’s bill twists in a snarl that’s made far more menacing with the multitude of small scars on it. Negaduck looks exactly like Darkwing, with a loud yellow and black color scheme rather than a soft purple and black. His jagged teeth grit in rage at Donald’s attack. NegaLauchpad yells in response to Launchpad’s war cry and his braided hair whips around as he whirls on the sidekick. He looks like he’s part of a biker gang with his low-cut hair, scruffy bill, sleeveless jean jacket, and ripped shirt.

Donald dodges a mechanical fist and follows it back to the sinister looking shield on his counterpart’s arm. NegaDonald’s eyes are lit with a dangerous glint and his suit is uncomfortably similar to Donald’s. NegaDonald doesn’t bother with a mask, preferring to show off his scarred face for all to see. The most prominent scar on his face is right over his left eye which is burning a hot blue.

“Hello, Donald.” His counterpart grins wickedly before throwing himself at the Avenger. They trade blows, a block (and a swear and a grunt) followed by a kick (and a punch and a laugh). NegaDonald is ruthless is his assault but Donald is a wily duck with just as much experience. They’re locked in a stalemate.

A stray shot from NegaGizmo grazes his head feathers and Donald turns just in time to see the two Gizmosuits rocket out of the warehouse with a shattering of the already broken glass windows. Fenton shouts and struggles against his larger counterpart. Donald spins around his opponent and fires a hook from his shield that wraps around Gizmo’s wheel. He starts to regret his decision when he’s pulled after them.

NegaDonald grabs him before he can get far, and he’s stuck fending the other duck off at an alarmingly fast-growing height. He yelps when NegaDonald digs his nails into whatever flesh he can find. Donald retaliates by elbowing him hard.

The sound of a saw interrupts the fight and the line abruptly goes slack. Donald blinks at the severed rope. 

“Avenger!” Gizmo cries as the two Donald’s start plummeting towards the very hard ground below. 

The two wrestle as they fall and a lucky shot dazes NegaDonald long enough for Donald to activate the propulsion system on his shield. Their descent slows, but NegaDonald recovers quickly and starts grappling with him again. They crash into a boat and he bounce off of its hull to land on the hard dock next to it.

For a few seconds, Donald sees stars. He groans and hauls himself back up, stumbling the whole way and nearly crashing back to the ground a couple times. He blinks away the black spots in his vision and looks around for his opponent.

“Donald?” He hears behind him and he doesn’t even think to lift his shield because he knows that voice. He trusts that voice, even though it makes no sense for him to be hearing it, and he pays for his split second of gullibility. “U-”

His body jolts and he sees green before his body registers anything else. “-no?”

He feels pain start to creep out from a spot in his side. He smells metal and sea salt. He follows the metal blade in his side up to see a familiar face with cold, green eyes. He hears a little, wounded noise from somewhere (someone, he realizes) when his assailant cruelly twists his weapon. He tastes bitter regret and swallows it down.

He fires the gun in his shield and the android in front of him is locked in place by his paralyzer.

“One!” NegaDonald yells and the Nega uses his shield to cut the android off of the weapon lodged in Donald’s side. He gasps and his vision blurs from the jolt of it.

He sinks to his knees with a pained whine and sees the two Negas make off into the night. The weapon props him up painfully, the metal preventing him from falling forward to completely face plant on the cold cement.

Pain overwhelms him, and he blinks back tears with gasping breaths. He doesn’t hear his shield clatter to the floor.

He does hear it start talking, “7:18 p.m.”

Donald pants and strains to listen to the foreign noise. Anything is better than focusing on the agony in his abdomen.

“iamthenight said, ‘Negaduck and NegaLP are down. Is everyone alright?’

iamthenight said, ‘I hate that they managed to split us up. Remember the rendezvous.’”

Donald is confused, too blinded by pain, to think before he remembers the text-to-voice feature he discovered two weeks ago when he was looking back through the Shield’s manual. It must have been damaged in the fall and turned itself on.

“7:21 p.m.”the emotionless voice continues.

“BlatheringBlatherskite said, ‘NegaGizmo is down. We ended up at a junkyard.’

professionalcrasher said, ‘What happened?’

iamthenight said, ‘Are you okay?’

BlatheringBlatherskite said, ‘Long story short we got into a “magnetic” fight and I resisted the “pull” better than he did. I’ve just got some bruises, but I’m out of a suit. How about you guys?’”

He can’t help the hysterical chuckle at his friend’s unusually monotone speech pattern. They’re all so lively that it’s absurd how boring the Shield is making them sound.

“professionalcrasher said, ‘D.W. got nicked by Negaduck’s chainsaw and I took some hits from a bat with nails but we’re in one piece.’

BlatheringBlatherskite said, ‘That sounds awful, are you sure you’re alright?’

iamthenight said, ‘We might need stitches.’

professionalcrasher said, ‘D.W. needs stitches.’

iamthenight said, ‘LAUNCHPAD’

professionalcrasher said, ‘Sorry but you’re bleeding a lot.’

iamthenight said, ‘Forget it, has anyone heard from Donald?’”

Donald coughs and regrets it as it jostles his wound. How is going to explain this to them?

“BlatheringBlatherskite said, ‘No, I’m going to go look for him.’

iamthenight said, ‘They were headed towards the docks when I last saw them.’

BlatheringBlatherskite said, ‘Got it.’

“Shield,” He weakly commands, “text the group chat what I say.”

“Order confirmed.” It responds

He can’t think of anything at first. He settles for a “Sorry guys.”

“BlatheringBlatherskite says, ‘Why? What happened?’

professionalcrasher says, ‘Donald?’

iamthenight says, ‘DON’T YOU DARE’”

Donald huffs, they’re responding a lot faster than he can keep up with, “They got me”

“BlatheringBlatherskite says, ‘There was more than one?!’”

“They ran off,” Donald confesses, “but I don’t know where.”

“iamthenight says, ‘FENTON HURRY UP’

BlatheringBlatherskite says, ‘I’M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN’

iamthenight says, ‘RUN’

BlatheringBlatherskite says, ‘YOU TRY RUNNING WITH A BROKEN ARM AND LEG’”

Donald winces in sympathy at that.

“iamthenight says, ‘I THOUGHT YOU JUST HAD BRUISES’

BlatheringBlatherskite says, ‘I LIED’

iamthenight says, ‘QUIT TEXTING AND FOCUS’

professionalcrasher says, ‘Fenton it’s all you dude, DW needs to lie still but he won’t quit panicking!’”

Oh Drake…if Donald dies here it will haunt the poor mallard for a long time. He’s spent so long getting to know the other hero and he’s found a good friend in him. From helping him navigate fatherhood to having someone to play chess with when he has bad days…

It’s not just Drake he’s grown close to.

He’s been hanging out with Fenton more, teaching him the ropes and sparring with him led to regular meetups. The younger hero is excitable and kind, he’ll be a hero everyone will adore. Donald always looked forward to their meetups. Where Drake is calm and acts like a rock for Donald, Fenton energizes and excites him with his personality alone.

Then there’s Launchpad. Just as kind as Fenton and constantly reassuring Donald that his boys are alright when they go on adventures. If it hadn’t been for him, he may not have ever reconnected with Uncle Scrooge. 

“I love you guys.” He says, the blood loss loosening his tongue.

“professionalcrasher says, ‘Donald hang in there! Talk to me! What happened?’”

What happened?

“I fell for the oldest trick in the book.” He sighs. How could he have fallen for it? He’s had multiple enemies try to get the drop on him by masquerading as a friend. Heck, he’s even pulled the same trick on others.

…But none of them had ever tried Uno.

He doesn’t want to think about that.

“I’m using the shield’s voice command to text you guys and it keeps reading out your texts in a funny way.” He says instead.

“professionalcrasher says, ‘Keep talking, tell us what happened!’

“He had a friend with him and for a second I thought…” He trails off, his eyes misting over and losing focus. He’s tired.

“professionalcrasher says, ‘Donald?!’

“I got stabbed.” he realizes, somehow forgetting that very important fact.

“professionalcrasher says, ‘Where?’”

“Stomach.” He starts to drift again, and he can feel something swallowing him, some kind of finality he’s never experienced before. Somehow, he knows that Death has come for him, “Can you tell my boys I love them?”

He doesn’t hear their responses.

At 7:36:24 p.m. SHUSH ambulances arrive.

At 7:37:02 p.m. the Duck Avenger dies.

At 7:37:68 p.m. Fenton finally makes it to the docks, just in time to see Donald’s body before the paramedics swarm him.

At 7:39:46 p.m. A heart starts beating again


	2. Messing with Scrooge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon requested: DW accidentally mis-texted Scrooge instead of PK (thankfully never revealing who PK was or drama~) and then had a lot of fun messing with the guy

{9:32 a.m.}

125446658921: You were right, aliens are real

125446658921: I can practically feel you laughing through the phone

125446658921: Ha Ha Darkwing Duck was Wrong About Aliens

DarkwingDuck: LAUGH IT UP PK

187556482856: What in the blazes is this?

{9:33 a.m.}

iamthenight: I SCREWED UP

alienpuncher: What’d you do?

professionalcrasher: Aw come on Dw, it can’t be that bad

iamthenight: I TEXTED SOMEONE ELSE INSTEAD OF YOU

alienpuncher: DARKWING NO

professionalcrasher: Oh that’s actually pretty bad

iamthenight sent a screenshot

alienpuncher: Well at least he/she’s more confused than anything

iamthenight: I’m going to play it off as a joke

{9:36 a.m.}

DarkwingDuck: What do you mean ‘what in the blazes is this’?

DarkwingDuck: I, Darkwing Duck, am texting you, Paperinik AKA the Duck Avenger, about aliens

187556482856: No, you, Darkwing Duck, are texting me, Scrooge McDuck, about aliens

{9:37 a.m.}

iamthenight: IT’S WORSE

iamthenight: IT’S SO MUCH WORSE

alienpuncher: HOW CAN YOU SCREW THAT UP?? THE IDEA OF ALIENS AND US TEXTING IS ABSURD TO ANYONE BUT US

iamthenight sent a photo

alienpuncher: You’re shitting me

alienpuncher: OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE TO MISTEXT

iamthenight: He’s YOUR uncle, what do I do?

alienpuncher: …actually, this might not be so bad.

{9:42 a.m.}

DarkwingDuck: Whoops, wrong number

ScroogeMcDuck: You think?

DarkwingDuck: Oh but I should tell you something

ScroogeMcDuck: What?

DarkwingDuck: When I was fighting the aliens, they said something about attacking your money bin

DarkwingDuck: Apparently, they eat gold

ScroogeMcDuck: What?!

DarkwingDuck: They were muttering about dimes being their favorite???

ScroogeMcDuck: WHAT!?

{9:50 a.m.}

iamthenight sent a screenshot

alienpuncher: I just heard him shout “Not me money bin!” from down the hall

alienpuncher: He’s running out the door

iamthenight: That’s so funny, I can’t believe that worked.

{10:59 p.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: YOU

iamthenight: Who?

alienpuncher: Who?

professionalcrasher: Who?

BlatheringBlatherskite: IS THIS THE REASON GYRO AND I HAVE BEEN UPGRADING THE BIN’S DEFENSES THE WHOLE DAY?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT DID I EVER DO TO ANY OF YOU

alienpuncher: Sorry Fenton

professionalcrasher: Sorry Fenton

iamthenight: I’m not, this is hilarious.

{8:32 a.m.}

iamthenight: TURN ON THE NEWS

alienpuncher: FENTON WHAT THE HELL?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: THIS IS YOUR OWN FAULT!

alienpuncher: THERE’S A GIANT SHOTGUN ON TOP OF THE MONEY BIN

BlatheringBlatherskite: WOULD YOU HAVE PREFERRED A CANON BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THE ALTERNATIVE WAS!!

iamthenight: I’m laughing too hard I think I broke something

alienpuncher: WHAT’S A SHOTGUN GOING TO DO AGAINST ALIENS?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: I DON’T KNOW

BlatheringBlatherskite: HE’S TRYING TO GET THE GOVERNMENT TO LET US PUT A MISSILE SYSTEM IN

iamthenight: HAHAHAHAHA HE WANTS TO PUT IN A MISSILE SYSTEM

iamthenight: AS IF HIS BIN DOESN’T EXPLODE EVERY OTHER WEEK

alienpuncher: HE’S GOING TO KILL SOMEONE

alienpuncher: I DIDN’T THINK HE’D REACT SO VIOLENTLY

BlatheringBlatherskite: YOU DIDN’T?!

alienpuncher: AN UPGRADED DEFENSE SYSTEM, YES

alienpuncher: A 20 FOOT SHOTGUN ON TOP OF THE BIN, NO

iamthenight: Alright, Alright I’ll handle it

{8:39 a.m.}

DarkwingDuck: Mr. McDuck are you sure the shotgun is necessary?

ScroogeMcDuck: YES

{8:41 a.m.}

iamthenight sent a photo

iamthenight: I tried

alienpuncher: NO YOU DIDN’T


	3. Mixup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon requested: superhero costume mishap(s)

{5:34 p.m.}

iamthenight: I think SHUSH made a mistake when they gave us back our outfits

~alienpuncher sent a photo~

alienpuncher: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the sour milk in crime’s cereal! I am Darkwing Duck!

professionalcrasher: That’s a good impression Donald!

alienpuncher: Thanks

iamthenight: DON’T YOU DARE WRINKLE MY CAPE

~BlatheringBlatherskite sent a photo~

BlatheringBlatherskite: Look! I’m PK!!

alienpuncher: Oh, so that’s where my hat went

professionalcrasher: Have you pushed a button on the Shield yet?

alienpuncher: DO NOT

BlatheringBlatherskite: I did but it was on accident!

alienpuncher: TELL ME IT WASN’T THE SELF DESTRUCT!!!

BlatheringBlatherskite: YOU HAVE A SELF DESTRUCT BUTTON ON YOUR SHIELD?! HOW IS THAT SAFE?!

alienpuncher: YOUR SUIT HAS A SELF DESTRUCT MECHANISM TOO

BlatheringBlatherskite: NOT ANYMORE!!!

BlatheringBlatherskite: I pushed some kind of fire button and a lazer beam hit my coffee but that was it, I swear it won’t happen again!

{9:56 p.m.}

alienpuncher: I may or may not have accidentally just blown a hole in my houseboat while playing with your gun DW

iamthenight: IS MY GUN OKAY

alienpuncher: I’M FINE THANKS FOR YOUR CONCERN

iamthenight: I KNOW WHAT I SAID

alienpuncher: YOUR GUN IS FINE

{10:48 p.m.}

iamthenight: Fenton how do you get out of the suit

BlatheringBlatherskite: I take it off??

alienpuncher: ARE YOU STUCK IN HIS SUIT

iamthenight: NO

professionalcrasher: Wow Donald! How did you know?

alienpuncher: OH MY GOD

alienpuncher: LP QUICK TAKE A PHOTO

iamthenight: NO!!

BlatheringBlatherskite: The chest plate opens up, so you can get out that way

{8:26 a.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: Why am I on tv?

iamthenight: Your devil suit wouldn’t release me, so I went out crimefighting anyway.

iamthenight: This thing has crap balance by the way, I didn’t realize how hard it is to stay on one wheel the whole time

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’ve got a talent for unicycling

alienpuncher: You have to actually balance yourself? I thought the suit did it for you?

BlatheringBlatherskite: I act as the processor, so if I wasn’t good at keeping my balance I’d have to be aware of my balance the whole time I fight and that’s just inconvenient

alienpuncher: That’s impressive.

alienpuncher: Lp can I have that photo

professionalcrasher: Oh right! I forgot to send it!

iamthenight: NO

~professionalcrasher sent a photo~

alienpuncher: Huh, if I wasn’t aware of it I’d never know you’re a different duck.

BlatheringBlatherskite: …Should I go out crime fighting in your costume too? Since you’re acting as me?

alienpuncher: I’ve got his costume, come by and grab it. It’s only fair.

iamthenight: THERE ARE SOME SERIOUS ISSUES WITH THIS

alienpuncher: Like what?

iamthenight: HIS HAIR ISN’T RIGHT, PEOPLE WILL KNOW

BlatheringBlatherskite: Oh, should I cut it?

alienpuncher: NO

alienpuncher: IT’D BE A CRIME

iamthenight: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

alienpuncher: THE SWISH DRAKE

alienpuncher: YOU CAN’T CUT THE SWISH

BlatheringBlatherskite: ??? Are you okay?

alienpuncher: I’M FINE. LISTEN,

alienpuncher: YOUR HAIR IS A LUXURIOUS MANE THAT SWISHES WHEN YOU MOVE

alienpuncher: IT’S A NATIONAL TREASURE AND I WON’T LET YOU CUT IT

professionalcrasher: Dewey says you just took your pain meds

iamthenight: I AGREE HIS HAIR IS NICE BUT I HAVE AN IMAGE TO UPHOLD

alienpuncher: YOUR IMAGE NEEDS NICER HAIR

BlatheringBlatherskite: You like my hair?

professionalcrasher: Should I tell Dewey to take his phone?

alienpuncher: THE DUCKS WITH THE NICE HAIR WILL STAY OUT OF THIS CONVERSATION

professionalcrasher: He thinks my hair is nice! :D

alienpuncher: HOW DO YOU TWO NOT KNOW HOW NICE YOUR HAIR IS

alienpuncher: THERE IS NO WAY YOU DON’T SPEND TIME ON IT FOR IT TO LOOK THAT NICE

professionalcrasher: I do have this great shampoo…

BlatheringBlatherskite: Me too, which kind do you have?

professionalcrasher: I don’t know but it smells nice

alienpuncher: YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT PRODUCT YOU’RE USING

alienpuncher: WHAT THE HELL

iamthenight: Let it go Donald, it’s okay

alienpuncher: !!!!!!

professionalcrasher: Donald, Dewey said he heard you shout. Are you okay?

iamthenight: Give him time, I’m pretty sure most of this is from the meds

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’m very confused

iamthenight: About what? You and Lp have nice hair without even trying.

iamthenight: Not many guys can pull off long hair without working at it, you’ve blown his mind.

{3:54 p.m.}

iamthenight: I SAID NO

BlatheringBlatherskite: BUT IT WAS SO MUCH FUN

~iamthenight sent a photo~

iamthenight: LOOK AT THIS AND TELL ME YOU HAVEN’T CONFUSED EVERYONE IN ST. CANARD

BlatheringBlatherskite: Wow, you were right the hair IS a giveaway.

iamthenight: YOU THINK???!!

iamthenight: WE’RE SWITCHING OUR SUITS BACK

alienpuncher: Don’t be jealous just because he looks better in your outfit

iamthenight: If you weren’t still recovering I’d strangle you

alienpuncher: Haha, I’m kidding

alienpuncher: Mostly


	4. The kids pry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: Huey, Dewey, Louie, and Webby are suspicious of Uncle Donald. Maybe even skeptical of what really happened in his accident. They text Gos about it, because why not? But the poor child must do her best to not let them know what REALLY happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theDaringDewey: Dewey  
> nothinbutgreen: Louie  
> hockeylover: Gosalyn  
> Agent33: Webby  
> Hue-y: Huey

{2:12 p.m.}

theDaringDewey: Hey Gos?

hockeylover: ?

theDaringDewey: You remember when Uncle Donald and your dad were in a car accident a couple months ago and you stayed with us until Uncle Drake was better?

hockeylover: Yeah?

theDaringDewey: Me and the others have been talking and we think something is suspicious

hockeylover: Suspicious how?

theDaringDewey: We heard Uncle Scrooge muttering about how their wounds didn’t match up, have you noticed anything weird?

hockeylover: Not really? Dad dropped me off at your house and they went back to St. Canard for a night out

Hue-y: Right but why drop you off with us?

nothinbutgreen: If Uncle Donald and Uncle Drake were going to have a night out in St. Canard, then why bring you all the way here? Wouldn’t it make more sense for Uncle Donald to drive over to St. Canard?

hockeylover: Dad has trouble finding me a babysitter, so he figured you guys would be better

Agent33: That makes a little more sense but it’s still weird

Agent33: Don’t you have a friend next door? Why didn’t they watch you?

hockeylover: They were busy

nothinbutgreen: No they weren’t, Honker’s dad made a facebill post about his favorite tv show

hockeylover: And?

nothinbutgreen: It was a photo of him and his wife sitting on the couch.

hockeylover: Oh they must have lied to dad then, he doesn’t really like them to begin with so I bet he was happy they said no.

nothinbutgreen: It says “Wish the Mallard’s were over to help us watch.”

hockeylover: Ah, passive aggressive facebill posts

hockeylover: never gets old

nothinbutgreen: Okay but they post stuff like that a lot for it to be anything other than genuine

hockeylover: Really? You think?

Agent33: Gos, are you hiding something?

hockeylover: Why would I hide anything?

Agent33: Do you know what really happened?

hockeylover: No

theDaringDewey: That was a pretty quick ‘no’

hockeylover: Well what do you want me to say? It seems pretty straight forward to me.

nothinbutgreen: You’re acting weird, normally if we brought up a mystery you’d be all for solving it

hockeylover: Because your mystery doesn’t make sense! There’s nothing weird about it! They were in a car crash and that’s all there is to it!

Hue-y: Okay, let’s calm down

hockeylover: No, you calm down! I almost lost my dad and you want to pry into something that isn’t there!

theDaringDewey: Alright, alright we’re sorry!

hockeylover: Are you?! Do you have any idea what you’re asking me?!

nothinbutgreen: We aren’t asking you anything! We just want to know what really happened!

hockeylover: What really happened was that the only people in the world who care about me could have died and I couldn’t do anything about it!

hockeylover: So let’s say there is a mystery! Let’s say that it wasn’t a car crash and I know what really happened but can’t say anything! How do you think I’d feel having to choose between your friendship and something bigger?

hockeylover: Aside from Honker, you guys are my best friends and I don’t want to lose you over this!

{8:47 p.m.}

Agent33: Gos? We’re sorry…

hockeylover: Yeah.

hockeylover: Me too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it seems like Gosalyn was a little too quick to blow up, it's because she's just a kid with a very large responsibility on her shoulders.


	5. Sidekick Huey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: How about Donald hearing that Huey wants to be Gizmos sidekick and yells in the chat?

{11:34 a.m.}

alienpuncher: WHO TOLD MY BOY HE COULD BE A SIDEKICK

alienpuncher: FENTON

BlatheringBlatherskite: IT WASN’T ME!

alienpuncher: DRAKE

iamthenight: DON’T LOOK AT ME, I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!

alienpuncher: LAUNCHPAD

professionalcrasher: I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING!!

alienpuncher: IF I FIND OUT ONE OF YOU IS LYING TO ME, SO HELP ME

iamthenight: Which boy?

alienpuncher: Huey

iamthenight: Isn’t he a fan of Gizmo?

alienpuncher: F E N T O N

BlatheringBlatherskite: Drake! It wasn’t me!!

BlatheringBlatherskite: Isn’t LP close with the kids? Maybe they were talking about being sidekicks!

alienpuncher: L A U N C H P A D

professionalcrasher: No, it wasn’t me!

alienpuncher: THEN WHO

professionalcrasher: DW’s been awful quiet…

iamthenight: YOU LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS

BlatheringBlatherskite: DRAKE PLEASE JUST CONFESS, DONALD’S ON A DUCKHUNT

iamthenight: DON’T LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT LAUNCHPAD

professionalcrasher: REALLY?!

iamthenight: YEAH REALLY

BlatheringBlatherskite: GUYS PLEASE

iamthenight: ALL I KNOW IS THAT IT WASN’T ME

professionalcrasher: IT WASN’T ME EITHER

BlatheringBlatherskite: I AM ALSO BLAMELESS

alienpuncher: I’M ABOUT TO ASK HIM SO I HOPE YOU’RE ALL CONFIDENT IN YOUR ANSWERS

{12:06 p.m.}

alienpuncher: …so….

BlatheringBlatherskite: Drake or Launchpad?

iamthenight: WHA – NO! WAS IT FENTON OR LAUNCHPAD?

professionalcrasher: What’d he say?

alienpuncher: it was me

iamthenight: I’m sorry, what?

BlatheringBlatherskite: ??

alienpuncher: Apparently when the boys visited me in the hospital while I was still high in the stratosphere from the drugs, he asked me and I said, “You can be whatever you want to be.”

BlatheringBlatherskite: awwww

professionalcrasher: aw

iamthenight: Sap

alienpuncher: How do I take it back

iamthenight: It’s too late, the damage is done

alienpuncher: But it’s too dangerous!!

professionalcrasher: But you let them adventure with Mr. McD all the time? How is this different?

alienpuncher: ADVENTURING IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING A HERO

professionalcrasher: It’s not?

alienpuncher: NO

alienpuncher: NO IT IS NOT

alienpuncher: HE’S TOO YOUNG

iamthenight: Then tell him to wait until he’s older.

alienpuncher: Perfect! And then I’ll keep telling him that until I die!

iamthenight: DONALD NO

alienpuncher: Then he’ll never become a sidekick or hero! Thanks Drake!

BlatheringBlatherskite: …Madre de Dios…


	6. A Bad Joke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: Could you do another chapter in you chat fic with uno/one in it?
> 
> Anon asked: Could a prompt be Uno trying to pry from Donald on what really happened on chapter 10? I mean, Donald got to have a bit of PTSD from that "betrayal" and that conversation is bound to be a bit awkward. Also, I found it hilarious that Uno couldn't immediately understand chatspeak. Maybe he spent the next hour trying to decode what Donald was actually saying. 
> 
> Anon asked: For an idea for the chat fic for you to you with: How about Uno hacking the chat to find out what happened to Donald from the heroes and the freak out that causes from DW and the others- either bc they dont know who this is or think it is Negaverse playing tricks again.
> 
> Adamarinayu asked: Uno's reaction to finding out what his Negaself did. And also Fenton, Drake and LP finding out about Uno.

{4:12 p.m.}

Uno: You lied to me

Donald: About what? Is it about the onions? How’d you find out you’re not supposed to eat it like an apple? Did you take pictures of the reactions you got? Tell me you did.

Uno: What? No, you lied about the car crash.

Uno: What do you mean you don’t eat an onion like an apple? How else do you eat it?

Donald: Damn, how’d you find out?

Uno: I finally deciphered your text. You said “waz vry painfl” in a conversation about me going evil and what you were trying to say was, “[it] wa[s] v[e]ry painf[ul]l.”

Donald: Uno, your translation is almost worse than the original text, were the []s necessary?

Uno: Do not attempt to change the subject. Tell me what happened.

Donald: Nothing happened. I was high as a kite on pain meds and I texted you in an unstable frame of mind.

Uno: If you will not tell me, then I will find out for myself

Donald: Wait, Uno!

Donald: You’re not going to like what you find, just leave it be okay?

{4:28 p.m.}

Donald: Uno?

{4:43 p.m.}

hockeylover: One of you kids give your uncle the phone, this is an emergency. – Drake

theDaringDewey: Hi Uncle Drake!

Agent33: Hi Mr. Mallard!

Hue-y: What’s wrong? - Donald

hockeylover: Prove it’s you

Hue-y: You decided to adopt Gos ten minutes after you met her

Agent33: Awwww

hockeylover: My phone is messed up and so are the others’

Hue-y: Oh good I thought it was just me

Hue-y: I think I know what it was

hockeylover: Explain

Hue-y: It’s a harmless virus that should go away on its own.

hockeylover: How’d it get on our phones?

Hue-y: From mine

hockeylover: DONALD

Hue-y: HE’S HARMLESS

hockeylover: ‘HE’!? IS IT A HACKER?!

Hue-y: Something like that, he’s an old friend who’s concerned about the car crash

nothinbutgreen: You have a hacker friend?

Hue-y: Yeah, we only recently got back in touch. He’s a bit of a free spirit, I used to play chess with him before I met you, Drakey.

theDaringDewey: Boring!

nothinbutgreen: DRAKEY

Hue-y: My phone’s back on, yours should be too. Sorry kiddos!

{5:06 p.m.}

iamthenight: EXPLAIN YOURSELF

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT HAPPENED? I TRIED TO COUNTER THE VIRUS AND IT FRIED MY COMPUTER!

professionalcrasher: It talked to me!

alienpuncher: IT WHAT

professionalcrasher: Yeah! He said he was friends with you, but he had an odd fixation on the car crash…

iamthenight: DID YOU TELL HIM

professionalcrasher: Nope! I zipped my lips and you can’t unzip them!

alienpuncher: It doesn’t matter, he’ll find out anyway

iamthenight: DONALD

BlatheringBlatherskite: He? It’s a person? You have to let me talk to them about the virus! It was so sophisticated!

iamthenight: FENTON

alienpuncher: Maybe, Fenton. DW’s right, though, I owe you guys an explanation

professionalcrasher: Was he really your friend?

alienpuncher: Yeah. He still is.

alienpuncher: Drake, do you remember when I told you to hang onto your allies? And when I told you I was never alone?

iamthenight: Yeah?

alienpuncher: He was the reason I was never alone. Almost everything I did, I did it with him by my side.

professionalcrasher: He was your sidekick?

alienpuncher: No, he was my partner…and up until four months ago, I thought I’d never see him again.

iamthenight: That explains a lot actually…

BlatheringBlatherskite: When can we meet him?

alienpuncher: You can’t

BlatheringBlatherskite: Aww why not?

alienpuncher: Because he isn’t here, he’s…in a place we can’t reach

professionalcrasher: HE’S DEAD? I’VE BEEN TALKING TO A GHOST?!

alienpuncher: NO, I MEAN WE PHYSICALLY DO NOT HAVE THE MANPOWER TO GO SEE HIM

alienpuncher: But he has established a line of contact with me through my phone, so I can contact him.

BlatheringBlatherskite: That doesn’t explain why he hacked our phones

alienpuncher: He found out I was lying about the car crash and went on an information hunt. I bet he got what he could from our group chat and then turned his sights somewhere else.

iamthenight: Which is…

alienpuncher: I don’t know

iamthenight: Great.

{5:41 p.m.}

iamthenight: I know where he is

alienpuncher: ?

iamthenight: I just got a message from SHUSH about all their files being down. We’re going Code Black. Thanks.

alienpuncher: He won’t take anything he doesn’t want

iamthenight: Oh yeah, THAT’S REASSURING

{8:24 p.m.}

iamthenight: We’re out of code black, you were right he didn’t take anything.

alienpuncher: He just wants the truth

BlatheringBlatherskite: So why aren’t you telling him?

professionalcrasher: Yeah, if he’s your partner why keep him in the dark?

alienpuncher: Because the Nega that stabbed me was him.

iamthenight: What?!

professionalcrasher: That was what you meant when you said the Revenger had a friend!

BlatheringBlatherskite: Oh that’s awkward…

{8:58 p.m.}

Uno: Why didn’t you tell me?

Donald: You didn’t need to know.

Uno: You died twice because someone used my name and my face to get to you.

Uno: Who was he.

Donald: Uno…

Uno: Donald.

Donald: …Remember when I asked you about alternate dimensions?

Uno: Yes.

Donald: There’s a portal to one in St. Canard. We call it the Negaverse and I’m sure after all your searching you noticed Negaduck and Darkwing Duck look similar.

Uno: Yes.

Donald: Everyone has a counterpart in the Negaverse.

Donald: Darkwing Duck, Gizmoduck, me, the kids, Scrooge…

Donald: and you.

Uno: It was my counterpart that stabbed you?

Donald: Yeah

Uno: What is the state of the portal?

Donald: What do you mean?

Uno: Is it still active?

Donald: Darkwing did something that put it out of commission for a while but it came back and it’s still operational

Uno: Is it possible my counterpart will return to our dimension?

Donald: Yeah?? It’s an open door for both ends, he could come through at any time.

~Uno sent a video~

Donald: Did you really just make a gif of you rolling your eyes?

Uno: This is why we can’t have nice things

Donald: I regret teaching you that phrase

Donald: Alright, what have I done to earn your displeasure oh great One

Uno: It did not occur to you to tell me that an AI who has my same coding could come through the portal at any time and do as he pleases? What was your plan if he came back?

Donald: …the paralyzer worked well enough…

~Uno sent a video~

Donald: Alright, alright! I get the message! What do you want me to do? You’re not exactly a hop and a skip away!

Uno: I am sending antiviruses to your phone. If the other Uno comes back and tries to access the world’s network, I will know.

Donald: You think a couple antiviruses will stop another you?

Uno: No, but this way I will know if we need to return or if you die again.

Donald: Gee thanks

Uno: Clearly, I cannot trust you to tell me such things

Donald: It was one time!

Uno: It was twice, once at the scene and once on the operating table.

Donald: I’m fine!

Uno: You are not fine. I’ve seen the medical records and the video, I would have preferred if you had told me.

Donald: I didn’t want you to worry

Uno: I am an AI, I do not “worry”

~Donald sent a photo~

Uno: Now that’s just childish

Donald: You literally did the same thing.

Uno: Yes, but I rolled my eyes at your behavior. I’ve done nothing to warrant your ‘unamused stare’

Donald: Keep telling yourself that, buddy.

{4:19 a.m.}

Uno: Master Ducklair and I checked my coding. I am not capable of hurting my allies.

Donald: I could have told you that.

Donald: I still trust you. Stop worrying.

{11:16 p.m.}

Uno: You’ve been reacting odd when you see the color green

Donald: WHAT THE HELL

Donald: GET OUT OF THE CAMERAS

Uno: No.

Donald: UNO IT’S CALLED PRIVACY, LOOK IT UP

Uno: No.

Uno: You have been exhibiting odd symptoms around the same color green that I am

Donald: I’M FINE

Uno: You have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Donald: How do you figure?

Uno: I’ve been re-watching the video and monitoring you. It’s the most likely reason for your behavior.

Donald: What do you mean you’ve been re-watching the video?

Uno: Exactly what I say. Do you or do you not have PTSD?

Donald: Yeah alright I panic a little when I see that shade of green

Uno: Do I scare you?

Donald: No!

Uno: You are lying

Donald: Uno listen, I trust you

Uno: Then why do you react so badly to my color?

Donald: You know why. I saw his eyes and they were the same shade as you.

Uno: So you don’t trust me

Donald: NO. UNO STOP IT.

Donald: I KNOW YOU AREN’T HIM, BUT MY STUPID BIOLOGICAL BRAIN HAS DECIDED THAT SHADE OF GREEN MEANS DEATH AND I HATE IT

Donald: I’M SORRY I’M NOT MACHINE ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO GET OVER WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE BELIEVE ME, IT PISSES ME OFF THAT MY DUMB MIND HAS ASSOCIATED YOUR GREEN TO HIS

Donald: It kills me every time, because I don’t want to think of him when I see your color, I want to think of you and our friendship!

Donald: So, I’m sorry!

{12:57 a.m.}

Uno: Donald?

Donald: what

Uno: Are you upset with me?

Donald: …no

Uno: I’m sorry for what I said

Donald: I’m more upset with myself than anything. I’m sorry too.

Uno: You cannot help your biological nature

Uno: I prefer you as a biological than as a machine.

Donald: Boy do I have someone I think you should meet.

Uno: I don’t understand?

Donald: Don’t worry about it.

Uno: Are we ‘cold’?

Donald: Yes Uno, we’re cool.

Donald: You did that on purpose, didn’t you?

Uno: I have no idea what you’re talking about

Donald: You want me to believe someone as advanced as you messed up the phrase ‘are we cool?’

Uno: I can make mistakes

Donald: What? You? Never.

Uno: You know I can delete your screenshots, right?

Donald: Noooo, my blackmail! You never admit mistakes!

Uno: And no one shall ever know otherwise.


	7. Ikea adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aj-the-bluejay asked: How about Donald and Drake together in a normal situation that escalates, then they have to find somewhere private to go superhero? Love to see that if you can in the chat fic!

{9:15 a.m.}

alienpuncher: Where are you?

iamthenight: I’m standing next to a bunch of curtains

alienpuncher: That tells me nothing, which number are you at?

iamthenight: 26?

alienpuncher: HOW DID YOU GET ALL THE WAY TO 26

alienpuncher: WE’VE BEEN HERE SIX MINUTES

iamthenight: I DON’T KNOW, THIS PLACE IS A MAZE

alienpuncher: WE KNEW THAT WHEN WE WALKED IN THAT’S WHY WE DECIDED TO STICK TOGETHER

iamthenight: IT’S NOT MY FAULT

alienpuncher: HOW IS IT NOT YOUR FAULT

BlatheringBlatherskite: Sounds like the ikea gods claimed another victim. Adios Drakeroni.

professionalcrasher: Oh no! Hang in there, DW!

alienpuncher: STAY WHERE YOU ARE I’M COMING

{9:28 a.m.}

alienpuncher: WHERE ARE YOU

iamthenight: 6

alienpuncher: I TOLD YOU TO STAY PUT

iamthenight: I DIDN’T WANT TO, I FIGURED WE COULD MEET HALFWAY

iamthenight: WHERE ARE YOU?

alienpuncher: I’M AT 26

BlatheringBlatherskite: You walked right by each other and didn’t notice?!

alienpuncher: I’M GOING TO THE CABINET AREA, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE

{9:42 a.m.}

iamthenight sent a photo

iamthenight: What do you think?

alienpuncher: It looks like your old one

iamthenight: Exactly

alienpuncher: Figures your living room explodes and you want to put it back to how it was

iamthenight: It didn’t explode, Negaduck broke down a wall

alienpuncher: Your living room was trashed either way. Change it up a bit, this is a great time for you to try something new.

~iamthenight sent a photo~

alienpuncher: That is the most hideous couch I have ever seen.

iamthenight: You have no taste. It’ll look great with the curtains

alienpuncher: I changed my mind, put it back to the way it was.

{10:24 a.m.}

alienpuncher: Was that you?

iamthenight: Yes, because I have the strength and technology to shake an entire ikea store. NO THAT WASN’T ME

alienpuncher: Are you going to stop whatever it was?

iamthenight: Obviously

{10:29 a.m.}

iamthenight: I CAN’T FIND A BATHROOM

alienpuncher: YOU GOT ALL THE WAY TO SECTION 26 IN SIX MINUTES AND YOU CAN’T FIND A BATHROOM?!

alienpuncher: HIDE BEHIND A CURTAIN OR SOMETHING AND CHANGE THERE

iamthenight: I’M IN THE LAMP SECTION, THERE’S NOTHING TO CHANGE BEHIND

alienpuncher: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE IN THE LAMP SECTION, I’M IN THE LAMP SECTION

alienpuncher: WHERE ARE YOU

{10:51 a.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: How’s the ikea trip going?

~alienpuncher sent a photo~

BlatheringBlatherskite: Why were the Beagle Boys robbing an ikea?

alienpuncher: Don’t know, don’t care. We got coupons.

iamthenight: Ma Beagle is redecorating

BlatheringBlatherskite: Donald you’re in that photo too, are you coming out of retirement?

alienpuncher: No, I happened to have my suit on me and used my cape so DW could change. At that point I figured I might as well put it on and help.

iamthenight: Next time let’s just order online

iamthenight: Donald. Where did you go?

alienpuncher: I’m in section 28, I want to use the coupons

iamthenight: WHY?!

iamthenight: WE WERE OUT! WE WERE FREE!!

alienpuncher: BECAUSE OF THE COUPONS! EVERYTHING IS HALF OFF FOR US!

iamthenight: WAIT FOR ME

BlatheringBlatherskite: So ikea claims them both…

professionalcrasher: Looks like it’s just you and me, Fenton!


	8. Donald pulls a Drake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: Donald texting Scrooge instead of Fenton and having to come up with a cover story for why Gizmoduck is going to him for Superheroing advice

{2:25 p.m.}

Donald: Fenton, be careful when you do jobs for the police. People might take it the wrong way.

UncleScrooge: Lad, why are ye texting Gizmoduck about how to do his job?

{2:28 p.m.}

alienpuncher: I PULLED A DRAKE

iamthenight: I RESENT THAT STATEMENT

BlatheringBlatherskite: What happened?

alienpuncher: I texted Scrooge instead of you. I was going to talk to you about directing traffic.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Oh, did I do something wrong?

alienpuncher: No, I just thought I should warn you some people might see it as you stealing the police’s jobs

BlatheringBlatherskite: They were short staffed, so they asked me to lend a hand

alienpuncher: So, you’ve already seen the article?

BlatheringBlatherskite: What article?

alienpuncher: www.duckburgtimes.com/is-gizmoduck-stealing-police-jobs

BlatheringBlatherskite: Awww

alienpuncher: Are the police going to say anything?

BlatheringBlatherskite: I don’t know

iamthenight: CAN WE GET BACK TO THE MCDUCK PROBLEM

iamthenight: WE HAVE TO STOP TEXTING HIM ON ACCIDENT

alienpuncher: It’s fine I got it.

{2:39 p.m.}

Donald: He used to be a fan of PK and asked me for some tips. You remember I used to be PK’s best friend?

UncleScrooge: Aye, I suppose that does make sense

{2:41 p.m.}

~alienpuncher sent a screenshot~

alienpuncher: See? We’re good.

{3:12 p.m.}

UncleScrooge: What kind of things are you telling him?

Donald: Basic stuff. How to work with the police, what to do when there’s multiple crimes happening at once, etc.

UncleScrooge: So long as ye aren’t filling his head with nonsense…

Donald: Do you have to type out your accent?

UncleScrooge: Aye laddie, ahm a proud Scotsman!

Donald: It’s because Glomgold started typing his out, isn’t it

UncleScrooge: No!

{3:20 p.m.}

UncleScrooge: Lad, how do Ah take a screenwhatsit

Louie: A screenshot?

UncleScrooge: Aye, that

Louie: Hang on, I’m on my way.

{3:38 p.m.}

~UncleScrooge sent a screenshot~

UncleScrooge: See? Ah did it first.

Donald: omg

UncleScrooge: What’s an omg

{3:42 p.m.}

~alienpuncher sent a photo~

iamthenight: Is that English?

alienpuncher: Scottish

BlatheringBlatherskite: I can’t read half of it, what does it say?

alienpuncher: They’re yelling about how much the other sucks

professionalcrasher: I didn’t know Mr. McDuck was bilingual!

iamthenight: The accents get heavier with each line, I’m with Fenton. I can’t read half of it.

BlatheringBlatherskite: “Och aye Ah said it, yer faither waz a amster an yer maw smelled loch elder berries!”

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’m crying, I don’t know what it means

iamthenight: THAT’S NOT ENGLISH

alienpuncher: It’s Angry Scottish Billionaire

alienpuncher: Took me ten minutes to figure out what most of it said and once I got the general idea I stopped

alienpuncher: Scrooge is polyglot, LP.

professionalcrasher: Oh, good for him! I support him!

BlatheringBlatherskite: No Launchpad, it means he speaks multiple languages.

professionalcrasher: I still support him!

alienpuncher: He appreciates it.

{5:08 p.m.}

UncleScrooge: Ah dunnae kinn wa lp said he supported me, but ahm gonnae assume ye hud somethin’ tae dae wi’ it.

Donald: I can’t read that

UncleScrooge: Sorry lad, I was textin Glomgold a couple a minutes ago. Why does LP think ahm gay?

Donald: I told him you were a polyglot

UncleScrooge: Ah, his heart’s in th’ reit place. Good man.


	9. Bites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: Does Fenton know about the "Ringstory"? If not, could you write it?

{3:12 p.m.}

alienpuncher: April fools is coming

iamthenight: Forget it, nothing could possibly top last year

alienpuncher: Can Morgana vanish all the money in the bin?

iamthenight: No, that would take too much energy

alienpuncher: Not literally, I mean like an illusion.

iamthenight: Maybe?

alienpuncher: Nevermind, I forgot he warded the bin.

iamthenight: Give it up, we peaked with last year’s prank.

BlatheringBlatherskite: What happened last year?

professionalcrasher: I want to know too!

iamthenight: Oh right, you were with your family weren’t you LP?

alienpuncher: Do you want the short version or the long version?

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’m on lunch brake, give me the long version.

alienpuncher: Scrooge has always been…weird when it comes to me dating people. So when I saw a ring pop while I was shopping for groceries I knew exactly what to do.

BlatheringBlatherskite: What did you do?

alienpuncher: I texted Drake

iamthenight: He messaged me while I was half asleep. I only agreed to it because McDuck called me Puny.

alienpuncher: We acted like star-crossed lovers, Drake had just proposed to me, and we were going to run away to the ‘wilds of las vegas’

iamthenight: You said telenovela, I gave you telenovela

alienpuncher: I’ve never seen Uncle Scrooge completely shut down. I thought he was going to faint.

iamthenight: It was the funniest thing I’ve ever done

{6:48 p.m.}

alienpuncher: THE SHOTGUN

iamthenight: What about it?

alienpuncher: LET’S GET RID OF IT

BlatheringBlatherskite: AND HAVE MR. MCDUCK FORCE ME TO WORK ALL DAY TO BUILD ANOTHER? I DON’T THINK SO

{7:26 a.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BIN

professionalcrasher: Guys, what did you do with the Money Bin?

iamthenight: I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS

BlatheringBlatherskite: DONALD YOU WENT TOO FAR

iamthenight: WHERE’S THE BIN

iamthenight: DONALD, WHERE IS THE MONEY BIN

alienpuncher: Ok listen

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

alienpuncher: 1) it wasn’t my idea

professionalcrasher: SO IT WAS YOUR IDEA

professionalcrasher: Oh, wait

alienpuncher: 2) I didn’t help them

iamthenight: YOU CLEARLY DIDN’T TRY TO STOP THEM

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHO DID THIS

BlatheringBlatherskite: HOW

alienpuncher: The kids

alienpuncher: Ancient magical artifact

alienpuncher: I caught them sneaking around and when they told me what they were going to do, I didn’t stop them

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHY NOT

alienpuncher: You can’t mess with genius, Fenton.

BlatheringBlatherskite: IT’S AN ASTOUNDING ACCOMPLISHMENT BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET PAID

alienpuncher: The kids will bring it back by noon.

{10:52 a.m.}

iamthenight: Is that McDuck?

alienpuncher: Yup

BlatheringBlatherskite: You heard that?

iamthenight: All of St. Canard heard it

iamthenight: I thought he’d realize his bin was gone long before now

alienpuncher: He just hit the Anger phase, he’s been in denial since 8

BlatheringBlatherskite: HE’S GOING THROUGH THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF?!

iamthenight: Who’s he yelling at

alienpuncher: He’s on a duckhunt for Glomgold, I think he’ll go after the Beagle Boys next.

professionalcrasher: Maybe you should have the kids bring the bin back a bit sooner.

alienpuncher: He’ll get it back at noon. He still has his dime, he’ll survive another hour.

alienpuncher: Besides, I’ve wanted to see him deck Glomgold for years 

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’m just glad he hasn’t called to yell at me yet.

alienpuncher: I think he’s forgotten about everything but his nemeses

{12:02 p.m.}

alienpuncher: We may have made a tiny mistake

BlatheringBlatherskite: TELL ME THE BIN IS OKAY

alienpuncher: It’s fine but it’s…different

BlatheringBlatherskite: IT’S PURPLE

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHERE DID THE SHOTGUN GO

professionalcrasher: What happened?!

alienpuncher: The artifact had some side effects I forgot about

alienpuncher: We told him it was aliens

iamthenight: He’s not going to believe that

alienpuncher: He believed you, didn’t he?

{2:14 p.m.}

iamthenight: How convenient that the shotgun was lost to the artifact

alienpuncher: Right?

iamthenight: That was sarcasm

alienpuncher: …ok so I may have done some slight-of-hand

alienpuncher: And by that I mean I tossed it off the roof when no one was looking

BlatheringBlatherskite: YOU DON’T JUST TOSS A TWENTY FOOT SHOTGUN OFF THE ROOF

alienpuncher: I hit it off the roof

iamthenight: You PUNCHED the stupid thing?

BlatheringBlatherskite: HEY

alienpuncher: I hit it off the roof with my car

professionalcrasher: You crashed your car into the shotgun? And you didn’t invite me?

alienpuncher: I GOT RID OF THE SHOTGUN AND THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS

BlatheringBlatherskite: Why do you hate the shotgun so much??

alienpuncher: My Uncle is very old and if he doesn’t shoot someone else (me), he’s going to hurt himself.

BlatheringBlatherskite: You’re not wrong, the recoil is nasty

alienpuncher: YOU GAVE MY UNCLE A SHOTGUN AND DIDN’T THINK ABOUT SOFTENING THE RECOIL?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: HE’S SCROOGE MCDUCK AND HE SIGNS MY PAYCHECK, I THOUGHT HE’D BE OKAY

alienpuncher: Next time, call me first.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Okay.

iamthenight: You’re awfully caring for someone who just brought to life his Uncle’s worst fear.

alienpuncher: He’s family.


	10. Uno Interference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: Could I ask for Uno being a sort of hovering presence now the children have phones and the kids sometimes getting confused over how this unknown number sends them helpful advice or advises them ‘not to do the thing, your uncle wouldn’t approve of it’ style messages?

{2:14 p.m.}

[redacted]: Do not

{2:18 p.m.}

~theDaringDewey sent a photo~

theDaringDewey: WHAT THE HECK IS THIS

nothinbutgreen: THAT’S HORRIFYING

theDaringDewey: I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF TRYING TO JUMP TO THE CHANDELIER FROM THE SECOND FLOOR

Agent33: IT’S ALIENS

hockeylover: Oh boy…

{9:21 a.m.}

[redacted]: Stop

{9:35 a.m.}

~Hue-y sent a photo~

Hue-y: I’M SCREAMING WHAT IS THIS

theDaringDewey: IT HAPPENED TO YOU TOO

nothinbutgreen: WHAT DID YOU DO

Hue-y: I WAS ABOUT TO OPEN A CABINET DOOR IN THE LIBRARY

Agent33: What happened when you opened it?

Hue-y: A BUNCH OF SWORDS FELL OUT

nothinbutgreen: Are you okay?

Hue-y: Yeah, the text put me on edge so I was able to react quicker and move out of the way of the swords

hockeylover: IT’S A SORCERER

Agent33: NO IT’S ALIENS

nothinbutgreen: Either way, someone is watching us

Hue-y: They’re also watching out FOR us, maybe they’re not dangerous?

{11:58 a.m.}

[redacted]: Don’t touch that

{12:02 p.m.}

~nothinbutgreen sent a photo~

nothinbutgreen: I WAS ABOUT TO TOUCH ONE OF THE ARTIFACTS IN THE GARAGE

Agent33: Which one?

~nothinbutgreen sent a photo~

Agent33: That’s the Helm of Pluto

Agent33: You would have died instantly if you touched it without gloves

nothinbutgreen: WHY IS IT LYING AROUND THE GARAGE

Agent33: IT’S NOT, IT WAS IN A PROTECTIVE CASE

theDaringDewey: That…that might be my fault actually. I broke the case and left before anyone could find out.

Hue-y: DEWEY

theDaringDewey: WHAT, LIKE I WAS GOING TO STAND AROUND AND WAIT TO GET GROUNDED?!

hockeylover: So.

hockeylover: Mysterious number: good?

Hue-y: Yes

nothinbutgreen: ^^

theDaringDewey: Ehhh

Hue-y: >:(

Agent33: I think it’s still up for debate

{9:48 p.m.}

[redacted]: Blue to red

{10:12 p.m.}

~Agent33 sent a photo~

Agent33: She told me how to rewire the television.

Hue-y: How do you know it’s a she?

Agent33: Why not?

Hue-y: Fair.

theDaringDewey: Why was it teaching you how to rewire the television?

Agent33: Psychotic Murdering Ghost Lady

nothinbutgreen: I’m sleeping in the houseboat tonight

theDaringDewey: You know what? That’s a good idea. Me too.

Hue-y: BYE

Agent33: Can I come too!?

theDaringDewey: Yeah

Agent33: A SLEEPOVER

Agent33: I’M SO EXCITED

hockeylover: We’ve had a sleepover before though???

Agent33: I’ve never left the mansion to go sleepover somewhere else!

hockeylover: …We’re having a girl’s night at some point

Agent33: Yay!

Hue-y: Aww, why can’t we come?

hockeylover: Would you like to spar and discuss war tactics all night?

Hue-y: Nope, proceed.

{11:12 p.m.}

[redacted]: He’s on the roof

{11:14 p.m.}

~hockeylover sent a photo~

hockeylover: She helped me find dad!

theDaringDewey: What’s your dad doing on the roof?

hockeylover: Sleepwalking?

theDaringDewey: :(

hockeylover: Bigger Things

Hue-y: :(

nothinbutgreen: :(

Agent33: :(

hockeylover: He likes to be tall

theDaringDewey: Ugh

hockeylover: No seriously, he likes having the high ground.

Agent33: HE’S A SECRET AGENT

hockeylover: No.

Agent33: WELL IF HE’S NOT A VAMPIRE, SECRET AGENT, WEREWOLF, OR MOLEMAN THEN WHAT IS HE

hockeylover: Bigger Things.

Agent33: Ugh

nothinbutgreen: You know she can just say no to everything you guess and you’d never know if she’s lying or not?

Agent33: …yes

theDaringDewey: No you didn’t

Hue-y: You have to stop trusting people so easily

hockeylover: They’re not wrong

Agent33: SO HE COULD BE A WEREWOLF

Agent33: I KNEW IT

nothinbutgreen: Can we please go back to sleep?

Agent33: Should I text Granny that Uncle Drake’s on the roof?

hockeylover: Nah I got it.

nothinbutgreen: We are all in the same room, if you’re gonna talk then leave and talk.

theDaringDewey: Why would we ever leave the warmth of our sleeping bags?

nothinbutgreen: How dare you use my own words against me.

Hue-y: When did you say that?

nothinbutgreen: I don’t remember but that’s def a Louie Quote.

{8:38 a.m.}

Donald: Are you texting the kids?

Uno: Yes

Donald: You’ve become their newest big mystery. Congrats.

Uno: I know, I can see the board they’ve made.

Donald: Are you ever going to leave the cameras?

Uno: When I feel like it.

Donald: How are you even getting the footage from so far away

Uno: Your phone

Donald: THAT’S WHY MY BATTERY HAS BEEN DRAINING FASTER

Donald: IT WAS YOU


	11. The great hookup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: Maybe something with Daisy or another "Loveinterest"?
> 
> I’m going to level with you, I don’t care for daisy too much. And because I’m a sucker for these four, this was purely indulgent on my part. If this (ot4) isn’t your cup of tea this isn’t the only response I’m posting today, so you can read the other one instead!

{9:32 a.m.}

alienpuncher: Are you and Drake dating?

professionalcrasher: Yep!

alienpuncher: By the laws of friendship I now have to give you the shovel talk

professionalcrasher: ?

alienpuncher: If you hurt Drake then I will hurt you. Okay?

professionalcrasher: Okay!

professionalcrasher: No worries Don! I’d never hurt him!

alienpuncher: I know.

alienpuncher: Also, if you screw up your relationship with Drake then Fenton and I get him.

professionalcrasher: Wait, you both get him?

alienpuncher: Yeah.

professionalcrasher: YOU CAN DATE TWO PEOPLE AT ONCE?!

alienpuncher: Yeah??

{1:02 p.m.}

iamthenight: What did you do to LP?

alienpuncher: I mentioned dating more than one person at a time?

alienpuncher: Also, Fenton has to give you the shovel talk since I gave LP his

iamthenight: What??

alienpuncher: I gave LP the shovel talk because I’m your friend, but Fenton wants to give you the shovel talk because he’s closer to LP than I am.

iamthenight: Is he capable of being even vaguely threatening?

alienpuncher: No. Let him have this.

{1:35 p.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: I heard you and Lp are dating?

iamthenight: Yes.

BlatheringBlatherskite: If you hurt him, Donald and I get dibs.

{1:38 p.m.}

~iamthenight sent a photo~

iamthenight: WHAT DOES HE MEAN YOU GET DIBS

alienpuncher: It means if you mess this up, we’re going to ask LP out

iamthenight: I THOUGHT HE WASN’T YOUR TYPE

alienpuncher: Not physically, but his personality is endearing. I wouldn’t mind dating both him and Fenton at once

iamthenight: YOU’VE ACTUALLY DISCUSSED THIS WITH FENTON?!

alienpuncher: Yeah, we’ve both been in poly relationships before.

iamthenight: THREE’S A CROWD DONALD

alienpuncher: Only if you aren’t doing it right.

{3:21 p.m.}

professionalcrasher: BABE

iamthenight: What?

professionalcrasher: DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN DATE MORE THAN ONE PERSON AT A TIME?

iamthenight: Yeah?

professionalcrasher: CAN WE

iamthenight: Depends. With who?

professionalcrasher: Don and Fen

iamthenight: Call me

{4:16 p.m.}

iamthenight: You and Fenton need to coordinate your shovel talks better

alienpuncher: How so?

iamthenight: You both called dibs in a breakup scenario

alienpuncher: And?

iamthenight: You called dibs on both of us

alienpuncher: And?

iamthenight: Are you and Fenton trying to get all four of us into a relationship?

{4:31 p.m.}

alienpuncher: HE FOUND US OUT

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT DO WE DO

alienpuncher: PLAY IT COOL

alienpuncher: IF THEY DON’T WANT IT, THEY DON’T WANT IT

BlatheringBlatherskite: BUT WHAT IF THEY HATE US FOR THIS

alienpuncher: We have to work on your confidence, Amor. Drake and I have been friends a long time, he won’t drop us over this.

alienpuncher: Lp was a little too excited about the idea for me to think he’ll be mad at us.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Promise?

alienpuncher: Promise

{4:52 p.m.}

alienpuncher: And what if we are trying to get you and LP into a relationship with us?

iamthenight: Lp and I have to talk

iamthenight: and then WE, as a group, have to talk. We’re not exactly normal people, we need to work some things out first.

alienpuncher: Is that a yes?

iamthenight: It’s not a no

{4:59 p.m.}

alienpuncher: IT WORKED, I GOT A MAYBE

BlatheringBlatherskite: YES

alienpuncher: We owe the kids now, though

BlatheringBlatherskite: …yes


	12. Fenton gets traumatized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: Is NegaFenton and Fenton’s magnet fight on the table as a prompt? Because if not I’m throwing it on the table (please)!!!!

He calls out to Donald as the other hero plummets to the ground and he tries to do something – anything – to help, but NegaGizmoduck steals his attention before he can succeed. The other’s buzz saws are twisting around Fenton like bees and if he splits his attention then he’ll get cut in half.

He holds the saws in place using tiny, mechanical arms that are sprouting out of his chest, but the saws never stop flying around and it’s all Fenton can do to keep them at bay.

Donald will be fine, he’s been a hero far longer than Fenton and he can take care of his Negaself without a problem. Fenton needs to do his part and deal with his own Nega.

Instinctually remembering his self-defense classes, Fenton drives his elbow into NegaGizmo’s abdomen. It breaks his opponent’s concentration long enough for Fenton’s arms to overwhelm the saws and he breaks free of the sturdy grasp NegaGizmo has on him.

He turns mid-air and grabs the darker suit by its shoulders, taking advantage of NegaGizmo’s weakening thrusters by turning on his own and rocketing them both towards the ground.

Fenton yells when they ram straight through a pile of scrap metal and into the unforgiving earth below. The shock of the impact forces him to let go of his opponent and he lands hard on his left arm.

He doesn’t see NegaGizmo crash into a control panel, doesn’t hear the whine as electricity surges into old technology, but he does feel his body move slightly without his command. He yelps when his arm is jostled by the movement.

He starts to panic when his body continues to move at an increasing speed until he’s flying – no, he realizes, he’s being pulled - through the air.

He hits the magnet with a ‘CLANG!’ and his breath is forced out of him. He gasps through the pain in his lungs and his arm, the large black magnet stopping him from moving even a centimeter.

He hears grunts and snarls on his right as NegaGizmo tries to free himself. He’s stuck with his chest pressed up against the magnet rather than his back, like Fenton. They both see the scrap pile that the magnet is headed toward, and the multiple sharp objects in it. Smaller pieces start to come up and land around them, a small warning for what is yet to come.

Fenton sees a rusty pipe start moving and knows he’s only got seconds to decide his next move. His suit opens, and he falls out right as the pile launches itself at the magnet and the Gizmosuits already stuck to it.

NegaFenton screams in rage as he’s buried underneath rusty metal and old car frames. Fenton can’t scream in pain as his leg breaks, his breath is knocked out of him again and all he can do is wheeze.

He lies there in pain for a few minutes, willing it to die down, before pulling out his phone.

[BlatheringBlatherskite: NegaGizmo is down. We ended up at a junkyard.]

The responses are immediate,

[professionalcrasher: What happened?]

[iamthenight: Are you okay?]

Fenton almost laughs, ‘Awww, Drakeroni does care.’

He smiles at the thought, but it falls soon after.

They’re worrying about him…

[BlatheringBlatherskite: Long story short we got into a “magnetic” fight and I resisted the “pull” better than he did. I’ve just got some bruises, but I’m out of a suit. How about you guys?]

He doesn’t feel bad about lying.

[professionalcrasher: Dw got nicked by Negaduck’s chainsaw and I took some hits from a bat with nails but we’re in one piece.]

He winces at the thought and quickly responds.

[BlatheringBlatherskite: That sounds awful, are you sure you’re alright?]

[iamthenight: We might need stitches.]

Fenton bites his lip, he hopes the other two really are okay.

[professionalcrasher: DW needs stitches]

[iamthenight: LAUNCHPAD]

[professionalcrasher: Sorry but you’re bleeding a lot]

Fenton sits up, they need help – he needs to help them.

[iamthenight: Forget it, has anyone heard from Donald?]

He stops. Panic fills his lungs, fusing with the pain and creating an unpleasant sensation.

[BlatheringBlatherskite: No, I’m going to go look for him]

He tries to get up, but his leg protests. He frowns at it and looks around. There, a pipe he can use as a crutch. He crawls over to it one handed, dragging his busted leg behind him. His face is pale and he’s in a lot of pain, but he has to help his friends – they need him.

He hauls himself up for what seems like an eternity, biting his lip to stifle his whimpers of pain.

[iamthenight: They were headed towards the docks when I last saw them]

Fenton limps off into the night with one leg and one arm, determined to help. 

[BlatheringBlatherskite: Got it.]

He gets a block from the junkyard when Donald’s texts start coming though. He picks up his pace as much as he can and he puts his phone away so he can focus on getting to Donald. His arms and legs shake from the effort, his face gets paler every other step, and he almost collapses when he finally sees Donald a mere moment before paramedics swarm him.

He sags against the wall, his mind going blank and his heart racing.

Donald looked dead.

But that’s – heroes don’t die – especially not a hero like the Avenger. It’s just not – it can’t –

It can, he realizes. He remembers Donald’s words about hero-work seeming glamorous but in actuality being very dangerous and he had been prepared to give his life for his city, his friends, and his family. He knew what he was getting into and he knew what he might have to pay for the sake of the people he cares about. Hell, he had nearly died in the explosion after he took the Gizmosuit back from Beaks.

But this…

He didn’t realize that his life wasn’t the only one on the line.

The Avenger, Darkwing, and Launchpad all seemed invincible. It’s jarring to realize that they aren’t.

Fenton goes into shock right there against the wall while staring blankly at the medics hovering over and around his friend. He’s not sure how he gets into the ambulance or when he’s given a shock blanket.

He doesn’t remember passing out or going through the surgery to set his leg.

Eventually, Launchpad will bring him out of his trance. Eventually, Drake and Donald will both be okay. Eventually, they’ll all cry on one another, high on pain meds (with the exception of Launchpad) and terrified of each other’s deaths.

Fenton will be all right.

They will all be alright.

But right now, none of them are okay.

It’s going to cost them.


	13. The Great Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: Since you are casting for ideas for the chat fic- how about a chat after the incident where Scrooge is getting overprotective of Donald after the incident so Don’s hero chat are brainstorming how to break him out, ((bonus if they pull it off only now the chat is blowing up because they forgot they now have a multi trillionaire adventurer hunting them for ‘kidnapping’ his boy.))

{2:21 p.m.}

alienpuncher: I’m so boooorreedd

iamthenight: Watch tv or a movie or something

alienpuncher: I can’t I’m stuck in my old room

iamthenight: Can’t the kids help you move?

alienpuncher: We won’t get far

BlatheringBlatherskite: Why not?

alienpuncher: Scrooge is keeping me prisoner

alienpuncher: It’s been weeks guys I’m so bored of everything

alienpuncher: I have to get out of this house

iamthenight: You’re in one of the most guarded houses in the country and you want us to break in and bust you out?

iamthenight: Done

alienpuncher: Really?

iamthenight: It won’t be hard, we just have to figure out how to get past McDuck

professionalcrasher: I can grab him!

BlatheringBlatherskite: I can go with.

iamthenight: Perfect, you two go in like you’re visiting him and grab him

iamthenight: I’ll be outside with the Thunderquack

professionalcrasher: I’ll carry you, so we can run, Don!

alienpuncher: That should be fine, but try not to run into any walls with me.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Don’t worry, Donald! Between the two of us, we’ll get you out safe and sound!

alienpuncher: I can’t wait to go outside again

BlatheringBlatherskite: What do you want to do, once you’re out?

alienpuncher: I want to go to the beach and lay on the sand

professionalcrasher: Beach Day!!!

iamthenight: We can go to Cali for a couple hours

alienpuncher: Cali?? Do we need to go that far for a beach day?

iamthenight: You underestimate your Uncle

iamthenight: I want to be at least three states away before he realizes what’s happened

alienpuncher: He’s just being overbearing because he hasn’t gone on an adventure in a few weeks, once we leave he’ll be fine.

alienpuncher: The kids and Mrs. Beakley will take care of him. It’ll be fine.

{9:12 a.m.}

alienpuncher: THIS IS NOT FINE

iamthenight: WHAT DID I SAY

iamthenight: WHAT DID I FREAKING S A Y

professionalcrasher: I DIDN’T KNOW HE COULD FLY THE SUNCHASER SO WELL

BlatheringBlatherskite: I DIDN’T KNOW HE COULD MOVE FAST ENOUGH TO GET IT AND TAKE OFF BEFORE WE EVEN LEFT THE CITY

iamthenight: DONALD THE KIDS ARE IN THERE TOO

alienpuncher: THEY’RE WHAT

alienpuncher: CRAP I SEE THEM NOW

iamthenight: DID YOU NOT TELL THEM WE WERE BREAKING YOU OUT??

alienpuncher: I DIDN’T THINK ANYONE WOULD NOTICE OR CARE

BlatheringBlatherskite: THEY NOTICED

professionalcrasher: THEY CARE

alienpuncher: THIS IS A JET HOW ARE THEY CATCHING UP IN A PLANE

BlatheringBlatherskite: THIS IS NOT SCIENTIFICALLY POSSIBLE

BlatheringBlatherskite: ILLUMINATION

iamthenight: TELL US NOW

professionalcrasher: Fenton, what are you doing?

{9:21 a.m.}

alienpuncher: THAT DID NOT HELP

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’M SORRY

alienpuncher: THEY THINK WE’RE BOTH GETTING KIDNAPPED NOW

BlatheringBlatherskite: I TRIED TO TELL THEM WE WERE THE ONES KIDNAPPING YOU

iamthenight: FLAILING YOUR HANDS OUT THE WINDOW DOES NOT COUNT AS TELLING THEM THAT EVERYTHING IS FINE

BlatheringBlatherskite: WELL WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!

iamthenight: NOT THAT!

alienpuncher: Okay let’s not argue, how do we lose them

professionalcrasher: You want to keep going?

alienpuncher: I HAVE NOT SEEN TREES FOR WEEKS I AM GETTING MY STUPID BEACH DAY

{9:28 a.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: ILLUMINATION

alienpuncher: NO

BlatheringBlatherskite: HEAR ME OUT FIRST

iamthenight: NO

BlatheringBlatherskite: CALL YOUR FAMILY

iamthenight: YES

alienpuncher: NO

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHY NOT

alienpuncher: I DON’T WANT TO

iamthenight: NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO GET STUBBORN

professionalcrasher: DONALD DUCK YOU CALL YOUR FAMILY RIGHT NOW

alienpuncher: …fine

{9:39 a.m.}

alienpuncher: BAD NEWS

BlatheringBlatherskite: ARE YOU KIDDING ME

alienpuncher: HE THINKS I’M BEING THREATENED

iamthenight: UGH FREAKING DUCK FAMILY

alienpuncher: HEY

iamthenight: YOU’RE ALL SO STUBBORN

alienpuncher: I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU OF ALL PEOPLE

iamthenight: TOO BAD

professionalcrasher: WHY DON’T WE JUST STOP RUNNING AND LET THEM CATCH US

iamthenight: NO THANKS

BlatheringBlatherskite: YOU’RE NOT WEARING YOUR SUIT, THEY DON’T THINK YOU’RE A THREAT

iamthenight: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN THE THUNDERQUACK

BlatheringBlatherskite: TELL THEM YOU’RE FRIENDS WITH DW

iamthenight: …

{10:54 a.m.}

iamthenight: I can’t believe that worked

alienpuncher: It worked for me

iamthenight: Miraculously

BlatheringBlatherskite: This is nice

alienpuncher: The best

alienpuncher: Thanks guys

professionalcrasher: Donald, the kids want ice cream. Is it ok if I take them to get some?

alienpuncher: Yeah, take Scrooge with you too

professionalcrasher: I don’t think he’ll come

alienpuncher: Worth a shot

iamthenight: Is he still watching us from his chair

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yup

alienpuncher: I don’t care, I’m going to enjoy this while I still can.


	14. Doomed to Fail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AdamarinaYu asked: HDLW get ahold of Donald's phone and message people in the different chats, including Uno

{4:12 p.m.}

alienpuncher: Hello fellow adults

iamthenight: ???

iamthenight: Kids.

alienpuncher: I told them it wouldn’t work -Louie

alienpuncher: What’s with the weird nicknames?

iamthenight: Inside joke

iamthenight: Give your uncle his phone back

BlatheringBlatherskite: What’s going on?

iamthenight: The kids have Donald’s phone

alienpuncher: Fenton?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Hello!

alienpuncher: Dewey and Huey say hi.

BlatheringBlatherskite: How did you get ahold of Donald’s phone

alienpuncher: He left it open when he went to save the cookies

professionalcrasher: Cookies?

alienpuncher: Yeah, he’s making chocolate chip

professionalcrasher: I want cookies…

alienpuncher: You are literally just in the garage, come inside and get some

BlatheringBlatherskite: I want cookies too…

alienpuncher: Unfortunate.

BlatheringBlatherskite: D:

iamthenight: That was so mean!

iamthenight: Do it again.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Drake!

{4:26 p.m.}

Donald: Your name is Uno?

Uno: Put the phone down children

Donald: HOW DID YOU KNOW

Uno: I can see you

{4:35 p.m.}

Donald: Uno, you scared the children

Uno: I know but I don’t understand how

Donald: Most people don’t take it well when a stranger says they can see them

Uno: But I’m not a stranger

Donald: To them, you are.

Uno: But I have been communicating with them for weeks

Donald: YOU WHAT

Uno: I have been alerting them when they are placing themselves in danger and you are not around.

Donald: I DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO THANK YOU OR STRANGLE YOU

Uno: You can’t strangle me

Donald: I CAN TRY

Uno: Donald, please.

{4:59 p.m.}

iamthenight: Did they find anything out?

alienpuncher: I don’t think so, everyone they texted knew it wasn’t me

iamthenight: You have to be more careful

iamthenight: Change your phone password

alienpuncher: No, it’s their birth year

iamthenight: Change it to their birth month and day

alienpuncher: …Fine


	15. The Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous asked: I'm a total sap for Scrooge & Donald family interactions.... you probably got multiple prompts on this, but I would love to see Scrooge's reaction to learning about the "accident", his suspicions, and his intent to figuratively wrap Donald in bubble wrap to protect his son... while still being tsundere about it.
> 
> Anonymous asked: Can we have Scrooge trying to approach Donald over the incident and how odd his acting?
> 
> Hackeline83: Donald having a panic attack around the kids
> 
> mildeamasoj asked: Essentially I’d love it if you could write a reaction to Scrooge getting the call about Donald’s accident and having war flashbacks (read: Della flashbacks) about that, and struggling with telling the kids. Plus Donald went into cardiac arrest, which means his condition was extremely bad. Much worse than Drake’s. So they’re at the hospital and they (Scrooge and HDL) don’t even know if Donald is gonna survive and yeah. Much angst, such pain.

The phone rings at exactly 9:30 at night. The kids are in their pajamas playing some kind of war game and Scrooge is having his scheduled tea time while watching them fondly from a chair just off to the side. Dewey yells in alarm as the girls ambush him and his brothers leave him to his fate with the promise of retelling his tale of bravery. Despite the obviously one-sided match, they kids are smiling and having fun. It reminds Scrooge of times long past, when his body didn’t ache as much and five children were only two.

The sun has long since set as the days get shorter and the winter months approach. The curtains are open, allowing Scrooge a nice view of the moon and stars. The warmth of the fireplace wards off the slight chill in the air and by the light of the fire, Scrooge allows himself to bask in the joy and contentment around him.

Mrs. Beakley is in the kitchen, making a snack for the children before she sends them off to bed, so Duckworth is the one who answers the phone.

“McDuck Residence.” Scrooge can hear his butler say from the hallway.

A squeal comes from the kids as Huey manages to hit Gosalyn. Scrooge doesn’t pay his butler, or the phone call any mind. He’s more interested in watching the boys try to make a comeback.

“Mrs. Duck!” Duckworth cries out in shock, “What can I do for you?”

At that, Scrooge turns his attention from the children. What is Elvira doing, calling so late?

“Of course.” Duckworth brings the phone over, “For you, Sir.”

“This is Scrooge.” Scrooge greets his mother-in-law, “How are you Elvira?”

“Scrooge.” Something is wrong. Her voice is shaking.

“What’s wrong?” Scrooge puts his tea down and starts to stand.

“I just got a call…” He hears her take a deep breath and her voice strengthens when she continues, “from the hospital.”

Dread creeps into the back of his mind and curls in his chest.

“It’s Donald.”

He drops the phone.

He’s standing in front of a black screen, a glaring red cutting through the dark and bearing down on him, the words on the screen searing his failure into the back of his skull.

‘Transmission Lost’

He couldn’t protect her.

“Scrooge!”

He gasps as he’s thrown back into the present. Duckworth is holding the phone out to him. The kids are behind him, watching him worriedly. He takes the phone back, “I…”

“I can’t get to the hospital right now.” Elvira says, cutting him off, and he can feel her stern gaze through the phone, demanding he pull himself together for the young ones, “I’m in the car with Gus and we’re on our way, but we’re still an hour out at least. I need you to go and see what’s happening.”

“They didn’t tell you?” Scrooge asks. His mouth moves on auto-pilot, his mind trying to catch up with his body.

“No. I was told that he was in the hospital and that I should hurry.” Elvira’s voice breaks and Scrooge feels his blood turn to ice and fear seizes his lungs.

“Which hospital?” Scrooge numbly asks.

“St. Canard.”

“Okay, I-I’ll see you there.” He hangs up and turns to face the ducklings. Beakley has entered the room and both she and Duckworth are looking at him with worry. The kids eye him nervously.

“Uncle Scrooge?” Huey calls, worried Scrooge will zone out again.

“What’s going on?” Webby asks, curious.

“Is everything, okay?” Gosalyn looks scared – no, she looks terrified. Louie picks up on it and starts glancing between Scrooge and the phone with wide eyes.

“Is someone hurt?” Dewey fiddles with the end of his shirt.

Scrooge puts a hand to his beak in thought. Should he tell them? Should he bring them with him? There’s no telling how bad it is – just that it must be really bad if the hospital told Elvira to hurry. If worst comes to worst the kids…

The kids might at least get to say goodbye.

He hates that thought. He loathes it. Donald will be fine – he has to be. Scrooge already lost Della, he can’t lose Donald too.

Donald can’t become another person that he failed to protect.

Scrooge shakes himself out of his awful thoughts. He has to get to the hospital and he has to bring the kids. Launchpad –

Launchpad was with Donald.

What happened to Launchpad?

Who else was with Donald?

Scrooge looks down at Gosalyn’s shaking form.

Mallard.

“Beakley, could ye drive us to St. Canard Hospital?” He asks slowly. She nods stoically and steps out to get the car.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Louie demands and Gosalyn’s eyes start to get wet.

Scrooge doesn’t know how to tell them gently, so he doesn’t. “Donald is in the hospital.” The triplets recoil and Webby gasps.

“Lass,” He bends down to their height, “Yer da’ was with him. I think it might be best if ye came with us.”

Gosalyn nods and he herds the kids outside. The trip to the hospital is silent and tense. The kids lean on one another, taking comfort while the storm of fear and worry surrounds them. Scrooge suspects his housekeeper broke a couple speeding laws because they get to the hospital in a little less than half an hour.

The kids run in with him at their heels. The ER nurse gives them a sad look when they tell her who they’re here for.

“Sir, it might be better if the children didn’t hear this.” He says and Scrooge ushers the kids over to a couple chairs despite their protests, there’s no doubt in his mind that they’ll try to listen in on the conversation that’s about to happen, but he really hopes they don’t manage to hear anything.

“Donald Duck is in surgery and has been for the past couple hours, his condition is…bad. I’ll send the doctor over once he’s out of surgery to tell you more.”

Scrooge pales, “Can’t ye tell me anymore than that?”

The nurse shakes his head, “I’ve told you all I know.”

Scrooge nods, his heart in his throat, “What about Drake Mallard? The lass with red hair is his daughter.”

The nurse perks up a little, “Drake Mallard is getting stitches and blood transfusions at the moment. His doctor will be out in a couple moments to tell you all you want to know.”

“And…Launchpad McQuack?” Scrooge asks.

“He just had some bruises. We just want to keep him overnight for a concussion.”

Scrooge goes back over to the kids and gives Gosalyn the good news and the triplets the bad news.

“Yer da’ is going tae be just fine, Lass. He just needs some stitches.” Gosalyn sags in relief in her chair. Webby gives her a shaky grin and the two girls take a moment to appreciate the news.

“What about Uncle Donald?” Dewey tugs on Scrooge’s sleeve.

“He’s…it’s…” He looks into their eyes and falters under the pain and panic that he sees there, “…it’s going to be a long night laddies.”

And it is.

They wait for hours and Scrooge is grateful when Elvira and Gus show up. Somehow, it’s easier having other people to share the burden while they wait. The kids fall into a fitful sleep and Gus acts as their giant pillow.

Scrooge wakes Gosalyn when Mallard’s doctor comes out and Elvira goes over with her. They come back a couple minutes later, secure in the knowledge that the duckling’s father is fine, but not allowed visitors. 

Scrooge can’t help the jealousy that rears its head and he sinks back into his thoughts of failure and loss. The dark, intrusive thoughts steadily take hold of him and he’s consumed for a long time.

Loud yelling breaks through the stupor Scrooge finds himself in about a half hour later. Mrs. Crackshell-Cabrera barges into the ER like a hurricane and interrogates the nurse with half-English and half-Spanish sentences. It’s only then that Scrooge realizes Fenton might have been with Donald.

She sees him and his family and comes over, “Ai, sorry for the yelling. I didn’t realize there were patitos around.” She joins their little group at Elvira’s insistence and the two women start softly talking while they wait.

Later, Gladstone strolls in at an absurd hour (of what is now morning) to return someone’s wallet for a twenty-dollar reward fee, he catches sight of the family on his way out.

“Grandma? Kids?” He calls out, startled.

“Hello, Gladstone.” Elvira greets him sadly, “I’m sorry you had to find out this way. You don’t have a phone or I would have called you.”

“Find out what? Why are you all here?”

Of course, Gladstone’s luck kicks in and the Doctor appears, “Family of Donald Duck?”

Scrooge launches himself out of his chair and Elvira stands.

“It was rough for a while, we lost him for a couple minutes both at the scene and on the table, but we’ve repaired the damage and if he makes it through the night…he’s got an 87% chance of recovery. Of course, he might have sustained brain damage from the lack of oxygen when we lost him, only time will tell how much damage he really sustained.”

“What happened?” Scrooge stresses, desperate to know.

“We don’t know.”

“Wha-how can ye not know?!” Scrooge’s temper flares

“With all due respect, Sir, I have been operating for almost six hours. His case was too delicate for me to ask very many questions before I got him.”

“What’s the damage?” Elvira cuts off Scrooge’s impending yells.

“He was impaled by a very large metal object; his liver took most of the damage which is fortunate, because the liver is incredibly resilient and we suspect it will regrow in a couple months.”

“Can we see him?”

The doctor shakes his head, “I’m afraid not.”

“Then when can we see him?”

“He won’t be awake for a couple days, but you can visit him during visiting hours.” The doctor turns to Mrs. Crackshell-Cabrera, “You can see your son during visiting hours as well, in-” He checks his watch, “six hours.”

“Take the kids home, Scrooge.” Elvira says, “I’ll stay here with Gus.”

“Are ye sure? The mansion is open for ye.” Scrooge offers.

“I know, but I want someone here in case…” Elvira doesn’t finish her sentence. Scrooge doesn’t want her too.

“Why don’t ye go back with Mrs. Beakley and I’ll stay?” Scrooge doesn’t want to leave. Not when Donald’s health is still in such a precarious state.

Elvira gives him a tired, sad look. They study each other for a minute.

She sighs, “We’ll both stay, then. Gus, Gladstone, watch the children and bring them back tomorrow when they’ve had a good night’s sleep.”

The cousins nod and with Beakley and Mrs. Crackshell-Cabrera’s help they take the kids to the car and then finally, to home.

…

The next few days are hard.

Donald is asleep for three days and when he’s awake he’s on strong pain killers. Launchpad tells Scrooge it was a car accident. A drunk driver was involved, but that’s all he is told.

It’s enough for him to wonder.

The injuries don’t add up. How did Donald get impaled? How are the wounds the four ducks sustained so vastly different? They look like they got into a fight and lost much more than they look like they got into a car accident.

Scrooge keeps a close eye on Donald.

His nephew is bed-ridden for a week and confined to a wheelchair for a month. Scrooge refuses to let Donald leave the mansion. He refuses to believe it has anything to do with the whispers of failure in the back of his mind or the thoughts left over from that night in the hospital. He doesn’t need to keep Donald close so he can keep him safe, he keeps Donald close because he’s recovering from a nasty wound. Yeah, that’s it. 

And then there’s the odd behavior.

Scrooge notices how Donald wakes up screaming, how Donald flinches at a certain shade of green, how Donald occasionally flips off the cameras. Even the kids start to notice, after he has a panic attack right in front of them.

The kids were watching a movie and Donald had walked in on a scene where the protagonist was stabbed. It was clear to all of them, after watching him struggle to breath and writhe in pain, that Donald’s wounds weren’t just physical.

They try to talk to him, the kids questioning and Scrooge probing, but he never tells them more than “It was just a car crash.”

None of them believe him.

Even if it was a car crash, there was nothing ‘just’ about it. Not for Donald, not for Scrooge, and not for the kids.

Scrooge catches the kids checking on Donald in the dead of night and pretends he isn’t doing the same. He sees them hang around their Uncle and watch him with cautious eyes and Scrooge denies giving Donald the same protective look. He watches them run to his room with tears in their eyes and making him promise not to leave them. Scrooge wishes he could allow himself to do the same.

It takes a long time for all of them, not just Donald, to recover.


	16. Return of the Caballeros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: Three Caballeros centric, please
> 
> Anon asked: Well now I'm picturing Scrooge taking the family on an adventure somewhere in South America, and them running into Josè and Panchito
> 
> Anon asked: Chat between the Three Caballeros?
> 
> dancingthesamba asked: can we get Donald mentioning Panchito and Jose to his friends and family?

{10:32 a.m.}

JoséCarioca: Donal’!

DonaldDuck: José!

~JoséCarioca changed their name to SmoothNoise~

~DonaldDuck changed their name to BlueCaballero~

SmoothNoise: I am here too Amigo!

BlueCaballero: Panchito!

BlueCaballero: How did you get my number?

SmoothNoise: Your familia was here, we met them on their way to the museum!

BlueCaballero: You asked them for my number? You have a phone now?

SmoothNoise: Sí! We just got it!

SmoothNoise: It was a good idea to get it, no?

BlueCaballero: I’ll say! Now we can talk whenever we want!

SmoothNoise: No more letters!

SmoothNoise: Pan says he likes letters.

BlueCaballero: We can still write letters.

SmoothNoise: How are you?

BlueCaballero: Much better now that you have a phone, I’ve missed talking to you guys

SmoothNoise: Ai, you’re making us blush

BlueCaballero: Are you switching who texts?

SmoothNoise: More like Pan keeps snatching it out of my hands

SmoothNoise: He types so slow!

BlueCaballero: Where are you guys right now?

SmoothNoise: México

BlueCaballero: With Pan’s family

SmoothNoise: Sí!

BlueCaballero: How are they?

SmoothNoise: They are very good, but Mamá has been wanting you to visit.

BlueCaballero: Someday

SmoothNoise: Soon?

BlueCaballero: Possibly, the kids are going on another adventure for Halloween. I can come down for a couple days while they’re gone.

SmoothNoise: Where are they going?

BlueCaballero: Haunted House

SmoothNoise: Is it…actually haunted?

BlueCaballero: Knowing Scrooge? Yes.

SmoothNoise: Well nothing can be as bad as Felldrake 

BlueCaballero: True, any ghost is better than him

{10:41 a.m.}

Huey: Uncle Donald?

Dewey: NO HUEY

Huey: We gave your number to a couple of strangers

Louie: Don’t be mad

UncleDonald: I’m not mad

Louie: …You’re not?

UncleDonald: No, they’re old friends

Dewey: You have a lot of those…

{11:42 a.m.}

SmoothNoise: DONALD

BlueCaballero: WHAT

BlueCaballero: WHAT HAPPENED

SmoothNoise: IT’S XANDRA

BlueCaballero: WHAT’S WRONG WITH HER

SmoothNoise: NO, I MEAN I’M XANDRA

BlueCaballero: Oh

BlueCaballero: Why are you yelling?

SmoothNoise: I’M NOT

BlueCaballero: Then why is everything capitalized?

SmoothNoise: I DON’T KNOW

SmoothNoise: Sorry, Amigo, we gave her the phone because she wanted to text you

SmoothNoise: We’re still working on her texting skills

BlueCaballero: Oh, okay. I thought something was wrong

SmoothNoise: Everything’s fine

BlueCaballero: Alright

{1:18 p.m.}

SmoothNoise: DONALD

BlueCaballero: Caps lock again Xandra?

SmoothNoise: NO IT’S PAN

SmoothNoise: WE HAVE A REAL ISSUE THIS TIME

BlueCaballero: WHAT HAPPENED

SmoothNoise: IT’S GONE

BlueCaballero: WHAT’S GONE

SmoothNoise: My heart

SmoothNoise: You stole it

{1:20 p.m.}

SmoothNoise: Donald?

BlueCaballero: I can’t believe you worried me over nothing

SmoothNoise: It’s not nothing, you stole my heart

BlueCaballero: You’re such a drama queen

SmoothNoise: The drama-est of queens

{9:56 a.m.}

SmoothNoise: DONAL’

BlueCaballero: ENOUGH, I’VE HAD IT WITH THE CAPSLOCK

SmoothNoise: I PROMISE IT’S A REAL PROBLEM THIS TIME

SmoothNoise: IT’S FELLDRAKE

SmoothNoise: HOW FAST CAN YOU GET HERE

BlueCaballero: GIVE ME A HALF HOUR

SmoothNoise: CAN YOU GET HERE FASTER

BlueCaballero: I CAN TRY

{6:25 p.m.}

BlueCaballero: Let’s not do that again

SmoothNoise: Do you think he’s gone for good now?

BlueCaballero: He better or I’ll strangle him

SmoothNoise: Do you have your amulet?

BlueCaballero: Yeah, I’m keeping it on me this time.

BlueCaballero: I could have been there faster if I hadn’t hidden it in Scrooge’s mansion

SmoothNoise: It was good to see you again

BlueCaballero: It was good to see you too, sorry I had to leave so quickly

SmoothNoise: It’s alright, Amigo, the Caballeritos needed you

BlueCaballero: I leave the country for one hour…

BlueCaballero: Hang on, how long have you been calling them that?

SmoothNoise: Ever since you sent us a photo of them

SmoothNoise: The colors match

BlueCaballero: …huh, I hadn’t thought of that.

BlueCaballero: They are absolutely not inheriting the shack

SmoothNoise: Why not?

BlueCaballero: Adventures with Scrooge are one thing, being a Caballero is another

SmoothNoise: Ai, you worry too much

BlueCaballero: Maybe, but if it’ll keep them alive then so be it.


	17. PK Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: HDL and Webby get excited over rumors that PK is back in action
> 
> draxrg7 asked: Maybe one where Fenton is having a HUGE struggle in a work as Gizmoduck and Paperink is forced to help his friend since Drake is too far away. Lets say that the media gets crazy because of the public "return" of the avenger.

{11:22 a.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: HELP

alienpuncher: Did you get your tie stuck in the suit again?

BlatheringBlatherskite: BRIDGE

alienpuncher: ??

iamthenight: Use your words, please

professionalcrasher: HE’S HOLDING UP THE BRIDGE BY HIMSELF!

alienpuncher: THE ONE ON I-40 OR THE ONE TO THE MONEY BIN

professionalcrasher: I-40

professionalcrasher: IT’S COLLAPSING

professionalcrasher: HE NEEDS HELP NOW

BlatheringBlatherskite: YES THAT

professionalcrasher: IT’S ALL OVER THE NEWS

alienpuncher: Shit! How long will it take for you to get to him DW?

iamthenight: From what I’m seeing, too long!

alienpuncher: Damn!

alienpuncher: Hang on, Fenton, I’m coming!

{2:11 p.m.}

Agent33: GUYS LOOK

~Agent33 sent a video~

Hue-y: OH MY GOD IT’S PK

theDaringDewey: I thought he retired?

nothinbutgreen: I thought he died

Agent33: Apparently not!

nothinbutgreen: He’s all over the internet

Agent33: No one knows what it means

nothinbutgreen: Didn’t he show up at the IKEA with Darkwing Duck too?

Hue-y: WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME?!

theDaringDewey: Don’t look at me, this is the first time I’m hearing about it too

Agent33: There wasn’t any good photos and the ones with the Avenger were all blurry

Hue-y: His name is Paperinik

Agent33: AVENGER

Hue-y: PAPERINIK

theDaringDewey: Guys please

theDaringDewey: It’s Phantomias

Hue-y: NO

Agent33: NO

nothinbutgreen: I thought it was Super Duck?

theDaringDewey: I’ve never heard of Super Duck

Hue-y: What is a Phantomias?

Agent33: They all mean the same thing roughly, just in different languages

nothinbutgreen: So we’re all just arguing the same point?

Hue-y: NO, HIS NAME IS PK AND THAT’S THAT

Agent33: AVENGER

theDaringDewey: PHANTOMIAS

nothinbutgreen: SUPER DUCK

Agent33: I think we need a second opinion

{2:36 p.m.}

Agent33: Gos

hockeylover: Yo

Agent33: What do you call the Avenger

hockeylover: the Avenger?

Hue-y: HAH

Hue-y: WAIT NO

Hue-y: GOS

hockeylover: He prefers PK but he says Avenger is fine too

nothinbutgreen: How do you know this?

Hue-y: YOU KNOW HIM

Agent33: GOS

theDaringDewey: ARE YOU KIDDING ME

{2:38 p.m.}

Gos: I have made a Mistake^TM

Dad: What does that mean?

Gos: I may or may not have implied I know PK

~Gos sent a screenshot~

Dad: Have I taught you nothing? It’s fine sweetheart, I’ll draft a fake article.

Gos: Thanks dad

{2:48 p.m.}

iamthenight: I need to interview you

alienpuncher: Why? Since when are you a reporter?

iamthenight: Since Gos needed a fake article about your name preference

alienpuncher: ???

~iamthenightsend a screenshot~

alienpuncher: Ah, ok

iamthenight: I’d make it up, but this way it’s more authentic

{3:12 p.m.}

~hockeylover sent a link~

hockeylover: I got it from here

hockeylover: I don’t know why you guys thought I knew the Avenger

Hue-y: Oh ok

{3:16 p.m.}

Gos: It worked

Dad: Of course it did


	18. Glomgold Enters the Fray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> grayphantomofficial asked: Fenton accidently texting to Glomgold about their hero lives and next moment and chaos ensures

{4:02 a.m.}

1524456589867: Drake, how do you do the poof thing with the gas and then appear out of nowhere?

1524456589867: How can you breathe in all that smoke?

5645321598754: Who is Drake?

Glomgold: I’m Flintheart Glomgold the richest duck in the world! Not this Drake fellow!

{4:10 a.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: I PULLED A DRAKE

iamthenight: STOP

alienpuncher: DID YOU FREAKING MISTEXT SCROOGE TOO!?

BlatheringBlatherskite: WORSE

alienpuncher: WORSE?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: Good news: It wasn’t Scrooge

BlatheringBlatherskite: Bad news: It was Glomgold

alienpuncher: YOU TEXTED GLOMGOLD?!

alienpuncher: HOW DID YOU EVEN GET HIS NUMBER?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: I DON’T HAVE HIS NUMBER

iamthenight: THEN HOW DID YOU TEXT HIM?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: I DON’T KNOW

iamthenight: HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’m very tired

alienpuncher: FENTON

alienpuncher: THIS HAS TO STOP

iamthenight: Alright, what’s the damage

~BlatheringBlatherskite sent a screenshot~

iamthenight: well, that’s not solvable. I’ll get the shovel

alienpuncher: WE CAN’T KILL HIM, PUT THE SHOVEL AWAY

iamthenight: WHY NOT

alienpuncher: BECAUSE HE’S THE SECOND RICHEST DUCK IN THE WORLD

iamthenight: NO ONE WILL MISS HIM

alienpuncher: DARKWING NO

iamthenight: DARKWING YES

alienpuncher: WE DON’T KILL

iamthenight: IF HE DOES A BASIC GOOGLE SEARCH HE’LL KNOW MY IDENTITY

alienpuncher: I’LL HANDLE IT

BlatheringBlatherskite: sorry

alienpuncher: YOU GO TO SLEEP

professionalcrasher: What’s going on?

alienpuncher: We’re getting dangerous

professionalcrasher: Okay!

{9:21 a.m.}

LaunchpadMcQuack: Thought you should know Glomgold was talking on the news about how much better he is than you

ScroogeMcDuck: What?!

LaunchpadMcQuack: He also said the boys are wastes of space

ScroogeMcDuck: WHAT?!

{9:36 a.m.}

Donald: Uncle Scrooge, Glomgold is trash talking our family

UncleScrooge: WHERE IS HE, I’LL PUNCH HIM INTO NEXT WEEK!!!

{8:26 a.m.}

iamthenight: Donald why is my paper full of old rich ducks fist fighting in the middle of town?

alienpuncher: Everything went according to plan

BlatheringBlatherskite: ??

professionalcrasher: We told Mr. McDee Glomgold was being mean to his nephews!

alienpuncher: We got him mad enough to pick a fight with Glomgold and we took his phone while he was distracted and deleted the texts

alienpuncher: He won’t remember anything from the past day or so anyway, Scrooge was madder than I thought he’d be, and he hit him real hard.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Is Mr. McDuck alright?

alienpuncher: He’s fine, the only time Glomgold ever gets the upper hand is by weeks of planning. He had maybe .2 seconds before Scrooge was on him. The whole fight was pretty one sided.

alienpuncher: He did get a bruise, so I kind of feel bad about that.

BlatheringBlatherskite: sorry guys

iamthenight: Wait why do you feel bad?

alienpuncher: Because I lied to my Uncle about being trash talked and he got hurt?

iamthenight: You do realize he was actually trash talking you on live television last night?

alienpuncher: Are you serious?

~iamthenight sent a video~

alienpuncher: Huh, maybe we’re just used to tuning him out…

BlatheringBlatherskite: He can get repetitive

professionalcrasher: yeah, he does like to monologue

BlatheringBlatherskite: sorry, again for that

alienpuncher: It’s alright but no more late nights.

iamthenight: No more mistexts. PLEASE


	19. And Lena Makes Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: How about the kids talking about the new development? Because they are all going to be brothers and sisters. And Lena is totally one of Donald's kids too!

{1:12 p.m.}

Hue-y: GOS

hockeylover: WHAT

Hue-y: OUR PARENTS ARE DATING

hockeylover: I KNOW

hockeylover: ISN’T IT GREAT

Agent33: We helped set them up

theDaringDewey: YOU SET THEM UP??

hockeylover: Yeah, Fenton asked us what we knew about Dad’s feelings and we came up with a plan to help them all get together

theDaringDewey: Does this mean we have to call Uncle Drake Dad?

nothinbutgreen: We call Uncle Donald Uncle Donald. I don’t see why we would have to?

Hue-y: What should we call Fenton?

theDaringDewey: And Launchpad?

nothinbutgreen: I don’t understand why we have to change what we call them?

Hue-y: I was thinking Papá for Fenton and Pops for Launchpad

theDaringDewey: I don’t think I like that, it sounds like they’re replacing Uncle Donald

nothinbutgreen: Uncle Donald is Uncle Donald

hockeylover: Oh yeah, why don’t you guys call him Dad?

hockeylover: Didn’t he raise you?

Hue-y: Yeah, but he’s always been Uncle Donald

nothinbutgreen: I don’t remember calling him anything else

theDaringDewey: Me neither

hockeylover: So what do you do for father’s day?

Hue-y: We give him a card?? What else would we do?

hockeylover: I don’t think I understand

hockeylover: He acts like a father and you treat him like one, but you still call him Uncle?

Hue-y: …That is weird, now that I think about it

theDaringDewey: He’s never been anything else, so it’s not that weird to me

Agent33: I think I get it!

Agent33: You guys don’t have your parents around, so you don’t really have anything to compare him to, right? Calling him Uncle Donald must be the same as calling him Dad for you!

Hue-y: I guess?

hockeylover: …I think I’ll keep calling him Uncle Donald. Launchpad is still Launchpad and Fenton is still Fenton. Even now that they’re all dating.

hockeylover: I guess titles don’t have any meaning as long as the implication is still there. If Uncle Donald can be your way of calling him Dad, then I don’t see why we need to change what we call the others.

nothinbutgreen: Exactly my point.

Hue-y: It was not.

theDaringDewey: You’re just too lazy to change what you call them.

nothinbutgreen: I am offended

nothinbutgreen: Ye of little faith

Hue-y: Are we wrong?

nothinbutgreen: …no

Agent33: I JUST REALIZED

hockeylover: What?

theDaringDewey: TELL US

Agent33: YOU’RE ALL GOING TO BE SIBLINGS IF THEY GET MARRIED

hockeylover: OMG YOU’RE RIGHT

Hue-y: I wonder what that will be like

theDaringDewey: Not much different than now??

nothinbutgreen: I think the only thing that will change is that we’ll start seeing each other more often

Hue-y: I’m fine with that

hockeylover: Me too

theDaringDewey: Me three

Agent33: Me four!

Hue-y: Honestly, you’re already part of the family

theDaringDewey: Yeah, once Uncle Donald tells you to call him Uncle Donald he’s basically brought you into the family

Agent33: …Does that include me too?

nothinbutgreen: Yes

Agent33: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

theDaringDewey: You broke her

Hue-y: Are you both still in the vents?

nothinbutgreen: Yeah, I can hear her from the living room

{1:58 a.m.}

Agent33: GUYS GUESS WHAT

nothinbutgreen: It’s 2 am

Agent33: LENA’S BACK

{2:06 a.m.}

Louie: Are you awake?

UncleDonald: Yes, what’s wrong?

Louie: Promise you won’t get mad

UncleDonald: Is anything broken?

Louie: No

UncleDonald: Are you or the others in danger?

Louie: …No?

UncleDonald: I’m coming inside

UncleDonald: Stay where you are.

{2:21 a.m.}

alienpuncher: Drake

iamthenight: Yes?

alienpuncher: Can Morgana give a shadow a corporeal body?

iamthenight: Maybe??

alienpuncher: Call me.

{3:36 a.m.}

alienpuncher: Amor, are you up?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yes

alienpuncher: I want to be upset you’re not asleep in bed, but this is important, so I’ll let it slide

BlatheringBlatherskite: Why? What’s wrong?

alienpuncher: You remember our talk about the children?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yes?

alienpuncher: …Drake and I are adopting another one

BlatheringBlatherskite: Oh

BlatheringBlatherskite: Can I come over?

alienpuncher: Yes

{3:38 a.m.}

iamthenight: Babe

professionalcrasher: Yeah?

iamthenight: Do you remember Lena?

professionalcrasher: Yeah

iamthenight: Would it upset you if we adopted her?

professionalcrasher: Nope

{12:58 p.m.}

alienpuncher: Change of plans, Beakley beat us to the punch

iamthenight: …Didn’t stop us from pretty much adopting Webby though, did it?

professionalcrasher: He has a point

BlatheringBlatherskite: So we’re still adopting her, just not officially?

alienpuncher: Looks like it


	20. An End to the Madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> analyticamethyst asked: Could you do Fenton or Launchpad accidentally texting Scrooge? Or Scrooge accidentally texting one of the heroes to bring the joke full circle?

{2:12 p.m.}

LaunchpadMcQuack: Hey Dw, when are we going on patrol tonight?

ScroogeMcDuck: Launchpad, check yer number before ye text next time

{2:16 p.m.}

professionalcrasher: Promise you won’t get mad

iamthenight: What did you do?

alienpuncher: You sound like the kids, what did you do?

professionalcrasher: I-

BlatheringBlatherskite: Whatever happened we can fix it

professionalcrasher: I p-

iamthenight: I can hear you struggling all the way from Duckburg, spit it out

professionalcrasher: I pulled a Drake

{2:19 p.m.}

hockeylover: Dad is flipping tables

nothinbutgreen: That’s funny, I just heard Uncle Donald scream from the houseboat

Hue-y: When? Because I just watched Fenton lay on the floor of the lab and yell

theDaringDewey: Launchpad started freaking out in the middle of our Darkwing Duck binge a couple minutes ago and now he’s pacing

Agent33: Coincidence?

Agent33: I THINK NOT

{2:32 p.m.}

iamthenight: Alright, I’m fine. I’m cool, I’m fine. Just –

iamthenight: What happened?

professionalcrasher: I was going to ask you what time we were going on patrol so I would know when to leave Duckburg

BlatheringBlatherskite: And you texted Mr. McDuck instead

professionalcrasher: Yes

alienpuncher: This has to stop

BlatheringBlatherskite: Agreed

iamthenight: Yes

professionalcrasher: ^^

professionalcrasher: …how do we stop?

BlatheringBlatherskite: I could try to make a blocker, but it would only work for key words

alienpuncher: It’s a start

alienpuncher: I can ask my friend to help

iamthenight: Your ‘friend’ has done enough.

Uno: I resent that

Uno: You have a very high-pitched scream, are you aware of that, Vigilante?

professionalcrasher: Hello again!

alienpuncher: Did you have to break into the chat in such a dramatic way

Uno: It is not dramatic, it is my face on your screen.

BlatheringBlatherskite: How long have you been here?

Uno: 1392.267 hours

BlatheringBlatherskite: That’s 58 days and 1 minute!

iamthenight: GET IT OFF

Uno: You are very rude

alienpuncher: He is, but you’re being rude too

alienpuncher: Don’t make that face at me, it’s true

Uno: And here I thought I was being kind by monitoring your texts for you

BlatheringBlatherskite: You can do that?

Uno: Of course

professionalcrasher: My phone is dying faster than it’s charging, so bye!

Uno: This form is particularly consuming for the phones, I will move to the background programs from now on. You won’t even know I’m here

BlatheringBlatherskite: Wait, can we still talk to you if we want?

Uno: Yes, I will monitor for my name if you want to speak with me

iamthenight: And what is your name?

Uno: Fenton calls me God

alienpuncher: His name is Uno.

iamthenight: He’s very cheeky, I don’t like him.

BlatheringBlatherskite: I do!

professionalcrasher: I’m back!

professionalcrasher: Did we solve the Pulling A Drake problem?

iamthenight: Don’t call it that

alienpuncher: Yes, we did

alienpuncher: …at least I think we did.


	21. Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hackeline83 on AO3 said: Oh oh i got an idea! What about Donald, Drake and Fenton overhearing several people getting suspicious about them being superheroes, like un this chap. So they came with the idea of switching the custumes again, so the original owner will put himself in danger while the fake one sabe him. What do you think?

{2:24 p.m.}

iamthenight: Gos says your kids are getting suspicious again.

alienpuncher: I’m not surprised

BlatheringBlatherskite: I overheard Mr. McDuck asking Launchpad questions about the car crash

alienpuncher: Great.

alienpuncher: We have to do something before they figure out the truth, because if we don’t do anything they’ll have pieced the whole thing together within the week.

professionalcrasher: What if they saw you and the Avenger at the same time?

alienpuncher: I don’t think that’s possible?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Actually, I think it is

alienpuncher: Did you build a clone-maker

BlatheringBlatherskite: No, we don’t need to get that technical

iamthenight: Oh, I think I get it.

alienpuncher: I don’t, someone clue me in

professionalcrasher: Come on, Don! Think about it!

alienpuncher: …Don’t break my shield.

{6:32 p.m.}

alienpuncher: I think that went well

iamthenight: You are lying

BlatheringBlatherskite: You both laid it on a little too thick

BlatheringBlatherskite: Were the fake wounds necessary?

alienpuncher: Those were real

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT?!

professionalcrasher: Yeah, the fake fire scenario turned into a real fire.

BlatheringBlatherskite: HOW

iamthenight: Megavolt showed up and fried the electricity, we didn’t realize anything caught fire until it was too late

BlatheringBlatherskite: Are you telling me you saved each other from a real fire!? As each other!?

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT DID YOU DO, RUN BACK IN?

alienpuncher: Yes

iamthenight: Yeah

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHY

alienpuncher: To make it convincing

BlatheringBlatherskite: YOU COULDN’T HAVE MADE IT CONVINCING ANY OTHER WAY??

iamthenight: It worked out

alienpuncher: I’ve been through worse

BlatheringBlatherskite: THOSE AREN’T VALID EXCUSES

BlatheringBlatherskite: TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED

alienpuncher: Lp set off the fire alarm like we planned, and everyone left the mall like we predicted but then Megavolt showed up and started a real fire and I actually got trapped inside.

iamthenight: Meanwhile, I changed into his PK get up, showed up, asked if everyone was out, went in to “check”, “found” Donald, and escorted him outside.

alienpuncher: By that time the actual fire was going and there was smoke everywhere. By “found” he means he actually-found me rather than fake-found me.

iamthenight: Once we were out I changed into my civilian clothes and snuck back into the mall

alienpuncher: I gave the paramedics the slip and went in as DW and we basically did the same thing as before but with more fire and more coughing

BlatheringBlatherskite: ARE YOU BOTH OK?

alienpuncher: Smoke inhalation sucks, but yeah

iamthenight: I got burned a little too

alienpuncher: You’re lucky my shield protected your arm or the burn wouldn’t be so “little”

iamthenight: I would have been fine.

BlatheringBlatherskite: You’re both insane. What happened to Megavolt?

alienpuncher: He bailed once the fire started.

professionalcrasher: It worked out in the end!

BlatheringBlatherskite: Did it?

iamthenight: Yeah, Gos says the kids are back at square one.

professionalcrasher: Mr. McDuck hasn’t asked me any weird questions for a while either!

alienpuncher: all’s well that ends well

BlatheringBlatherskite: You two need help.


	22. A wild Gyro appears!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> revvit31 on AO3 asked: hey can u do one with a abused nega gyro hiding with reg fenton and he has to tell the others

{9:58 p.m.}

diabolicallymechanical: WHERE IS HE?!

planetdestroyer: Who

diabolicallymechanical: GYRO

planetdestroyer: Probably hiding again. Why are you making this OUR problem?

diabolicallymechanical: I want to be sure he didn’t run off to your areas, Donald

planetdestroyer: As if we would want to deal with his pathetic ass

planetdestroyer: He’s your problem, Fenton. YOU deal with it.

{10:18 p.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: Um, so don’t freak out

alienpuncher: IF YOU PULLED A DRAKE, FENTON, SO HELP ME I AM NOT GOING TO BRING YOU YOUR COOKIES

BlatheringBlatherskite: Ehm, it’s actually a little more complicated than that

BlatheringBlatherskite: NOT THE COOKIES

iamthenight: How could it possibly be more complicated than just mistexting someone?

BlatheringBlatherskite: No, I didn’t mistext anyone I just…found…someone…

alienpuncher: Who?

professionalcrasher: Is it an alien?

iamthenight: Is it a missing person?

BlatheringBlatherskite: It’s…well…I’m not sure how to put this in a way that won’t send you guys into a freak out…

alienpuncher: You’re already freaking me out, who did you find?

BlatheringBlatherskite: It’s NegaGyro

alienpuncher: WHERE ARE YOU

iamthenight: I’M GETTING THE PLANE I’LL BE THERE SOON

professionalcrasher: HANG ON FENTON, WE’RE COMING!

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’M FINE STOP YELLING! HE’S NOT DANGEROUS!!

alienpuncher: How do you know? He could be faking.

BlatheringBlatherskite: He’s not, trust me

iamthenight: I’d like to but you’re too nice of a person for me to think he isn’t playing you like a fiddle.

professionalcrasher: I’m with DW on this.

alienpuncher: Yeah me too.

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’m not THAT gullible. Just - listen, mom’s worked with a lot of people and we can’t send him back.

BlatheringBlatherskite: We can’t.

alienpuncher: …How about we all meet him before we decide to do anything else?

BlatheringBlatherskite: He says that’s ok, but you have to be unarmed.

alienpuncher: Fine.

iamthenight: I don’t like this.

BlatheringBlatherskite: I know, I’m sorry, please trust me

iamthenight: Alright. When and where?

BlatheringBlatherskite: How soon can you get to my house?

{10:22 a.m.}

iamthenight: I’ve notified SHUSH

alienpuncher: What did they say

iamthenight: They said he can stay. They’ll be keeping an eye on him, though.

alienpuncher: What about Negaduck?

iamthenight: Leave him to me. He shouldn’t leave St. Canard, if what NegaGyro said was true.

alienpuncher: It’s weird protecting a Nega rather than fighting him

iamthenight: I know, but Fenton was right

iamthenight: We can’t send him back

alienpuncher: No, I know. I’ve been doing this a long time, I know what an abuse victim looks like.

iamthenight: Yeah…

alienpuncher: Are you thinking about the NegaGosalyn you met?

iamthenight: I can’t help but worry after this whole thing with NegaGyro

iamthenight: I’m certain NegaDuck isn’t abusing her but still…a lot can change in six months

alienpuncher: You said she had the friendly four now, she’s got people looking out for her.

iamthenight: I know

iamthenight: It’s ridiculous

alienpuncher: It’s not. You’re her father, you’re going to worry even if she isn’t your Gosalyn

{3:13 p.m.}

professionalcrasher: So what are we going to do with him? Can he really stay with you forever, Fenton?

BlatheringBlatherskite: He can stay as long as he needs

alienpuncher: No one’s going to make him move out, but he does need to get a foothold into our world if he wants to live here

iamthenight: We can find him a therapist and help him get a job if he wants

BlatheringBlatherskite: He’s a scientist like our gyro but he’s much more subdued

alienpuncher: And nicer

professionalcrasher: Mr. McDee could hire him!

alienpuncher: That might raise some suspicions.

iamthenight: Freelance work might be better for him, so he won’t have to interact with a lot of people

BlatheringBlatherskite: He’s tinkering with some of the stuff I bring home from the lab, maybe we could give him our scraps and he can make money by recycling them?

BlatheringBlatherskite: He’s already built his own Lil Bulb

alienpuncher: I don’t want to witness that meeting

BlatheringBlatherskite: Actually, his is named Lil Helper and he’s very friendly

alienpuncher: No murderous tendencies?

BlatheringBlatherskite: None.

alienpuncher: Lil bulb will eat him alive, we can’t ever let them meet.

{8:32 a.m.}

professionalcrasher: How’s G doing?

BlatheringBlatherskite: He’s doing good! He’s got a little house with Lil Helper and he’s working out of the garage with our scraps!

alienpuncher: Uncle Scrooge is paying him for what he comes up with out of the scraps

iamthenight: I thought you didn’t want Scrooge to meet him?

alienpuncher: We kind of faked an interview. Lp and I were the middle men and he got the job without ever revealing himself or his name.

alienpuncher: You can’t fake results. It was easy to get Scrooge to agree once we showed him the inventions.

iamthenight: So G is on his own two feet?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yup! He wanted me to thank you for your help!

iamthenight: I didn’t do anything? It was all you guys.

BlatheringBlatherskite: You’re keeping Negaduck off of his back, that’s enough for him!

iamthenight: Oh.

iamthenight: Tell him I said “You’re welcome”

iamthenight: I’ll send him a signed photo of myself

alienpuncher: Do you have to?

iamthenight: Yes! I can’t disappoint a fan!

BlatheringBlatherskite: I think he’ll like it


	23. Self-defense x100

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UltimateFangirl87 on AO3 asked: Love your stories they’re great and I love seeing people do things with PK, and if ur still taking prompt ideas how about one where its after shadow wars and Donald fought Fenton’s shadow in the Gizmo Suit and Fenton’s trying to repair it but Donald freaking wrecked it like the bad ass he is and eveyones just like “how the heck did u do that” and drakes like “i knew he could do that” and Fenton just wants to know what the heck he did to it

{6:32 p.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: You destroyed my suit

alienpuncher: Sorry, not sorry.

BlatheringBlatherskite: No, it’s fine I’m just confused because how the heck??

alienpuncher: Your helmet doesn’t cover your throat

BlatheringBlatherskite: That’s both horrifying and illuminating, tell me more

alienpuncher: When your saws come out they leave little opening for the inside of the suit, lots of important wires to pull…

professionalcrasher: You fought the Gizmosuit?

professionalcrasher: You WON?!

alienpuncher: Yeah

iamthenight: Why are you both acting surprised by this?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Why aren’t YOU surprised?

iamthenight: I’ve worked with him for a long time

alienpuncher: I didn’t help take down two evil organizations and an entire alien race just to lose to a shadow in a metal coffin.

BlatheringBlatherskite: A metal coffin?

alienpuncher: I know what I said.

BlatheringBlatherskite: But you still took down the suit with your bare hands! That’s incredible!

iamthenight: He’s done more impressive things

professionalcrasher: Like what?

iamthenight: He raised triplets

iamthenight: Seriously I love her but Gosalyn is hard enough and she isn’t a baby nor are there three of her

BlatheringBlatherskite: That’s fair.

alienpuncher: Did all of you just ignore the fact I took on an entire alien race?

iamthenight: Pics or it didn’t happen

alienpuncher: You know very well I don’t have pictures

iamthenight: Then it didn’t happen

BlatheringBlatherskite: No but seriously, what did you do to my suit?

alienpuncher: I pulled some wires??

BlatheringBlatherskite: You did a little more than pull some wires

~BlatheringBlatherskite sent a picture~

alienpuncher: Oh yeah, I also tore it off your shadow piece by piece

professionalcrasher: What!?

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT

alienpuncher: It was before you told us how to take it off, so I just grabbed and pulled until there was nothing left

BlatheringBlatherskite: With your…bare hands…

alienpuncher: It was self defense

BlatheringBlatherskite: THIS IS A BIT MUCH FOR SELF DEFENSE

alienpuncher: Nah

BlatheringBlatherskite: NAH?!

alienpuncher: I could have done worse

BlatheringBlatherskite: HOW!?

alienpuncher: I could have used the pieces as weapons against the other shadows

alienpuncher: But then you and the others showed up so there was no need

BlatheringBlatherskite: YOU WERE GOING TO SWING PIECES OF MY SUIT AROUND LIKE A BASEBALL BAT?!

alienpuncher: That was the idea, yeah

BlatheringBlatherskite: My poor suit…

alienpuncher: WELL NEXT TIME DON’T LET YOUR SHADOW STEAL IT

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’M SORRY

alienpuncher: BESIDES YOU BLEW IT UP DURING YOUR DEBUT, HOW IS THIS ANY DIFFERENT?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: I WAS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR BLOWING UP

alienpuncher: HOW DO YOU BLOW YOURSELF UP ON ACCIDENT?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: IT WAS BEAKS, NOT ME

alienpuncher: You have got to be more careful with your suit

BlatheringBlatherskite: LOOK WHO’S TALKING, YOU ANNIHILATED IT

alienpuncher: I DID NOT!

BlatheringBlatherskite: LOOK AT IT!!! IT’S IN PIECES!!

alienpuncher: I’M SORRY, DID YOU WANT ME TO ASK YOUR SHADOW POLITELY TO NOT MURDER ME??

BlatheringBlatherskite: YOU WENT TOO FAR

alienpuncher: NO I DIDN’T

iamthenight: It’s your own fault, Fenton. Once your shadow took on Donald it was all over.

BlatheringBlatherskite: :’(

professionalcrasher: R.I.P. Gizmosuit

alienpuncher: It lived a long life

BlatheringBlatherskite: I JUST REBUILT IT, IT WAS ONLY A WEEK OLD

iamthenight: It will be missed.

BlatheringBlatherskite: You guys are mean

alienpuncher: I don’t know what to tell you, it was going to kill me

BlatheringBlatherskite: I know, I just didn’t think I’d be rebuilding it so soon. Remind me to never make you mad.

iamthenight: It’s not the anger you should be afraid of.


	24. Mother's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: Could we get more on Drake not knowing how to react to Mother's Day asking Donald how he goes over his Mother's Day whit the boys and maybe that even helping them bond closer (as Donald still feels depressed about the Della deal)??

{3:22 p.m.}

iamthenight: How do you guys do Mother’s Day?

iamthenight: I don’t know what to do with Gos

alienpuncher: I take the boys to their mother’s grave and have them make cards for Grandma

iamthenight: I kind of don’t know where her parents are buried.

iamthenight: Or her grandfather.

alienpuncher: They have to be in St. Canard, right?

iamthenight: I think? I just don’t want to spend the next week scanning headstones

alienpuncher: Aren’t there public records?

iamthenight: There should be, but I wouldn’t put it past Bulba to have messed with them

alienpuncher: I’ll help you look

iamthenight: Thanks Donald

{11:35 a.m.}

iamthenight: How are you doing?

alienpuncher: I can’t remember her voice

alienpuncher: She’s my twin, how come I can’t remember the sound of her voice?

iamthenight: It’s been ten years, Donald

alienpuncher: But she’s my TWIN

alienpuncher: We did everything together for over two decades! And I can’t even remember how she sounded!

iamthenight: Donald, it’s ok

alienpuncher: NO, IT’S NOT

iamthenight: Yes, it is. You’re only human.

iamthenight: How are the boys?

alienpuncher: They’re fine.

alienpuncher: They don’t even remember her, she wasn’t around when they hatched. 

alienpuncher: She should be here

alienpuncher: They should remember her. She should have been the one to raise them, not me.

iamthenight: Donald you’re a fantastic father

alienpuncher: But I’m not! I’m too overbearing, I’m nothing but bad luck, and I can’t even give them a stable home!

iamthenight: Bullshit. So what you’re not perfect? Shame on you for being mortal.

alienpuncher: I’m ruining them

iamthenight: You are not. They adore you.

alienpuncher: Della would have done so much better

iamthenight: It doesn’t matter what Della would have done, she isn’t here

iamthenight: Donald, where is this coming from? Who’s been telling you this?

alienpuncher: No one

iamthenight: Now you listen to me, Donald Duck, you didn’t have to take those boys in when your sister left, but you did and they love you. So what you’re overbearing? So what you’ve got shit luck? So what you can’t give them a stable home? You love those boys with all your heart and there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for them.

iamthenight: And I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise, including you.

{2:45 p.m.}

alienpuncher: Thanks, Drake

iamthenight: Anytime.

alienpuncher: I’m sorry for dumping that all on you. How’s Gosalyn?

iamthenight: I’m your friend, dump it all on me.

iamthenight: Gosalyn is quieter than normal, but she’s holding up

alienpuncher: She’s a strong girl

iamthenight: I’m very proud of her

iamthenight: She’s got another hockey match soon. Why don’t you bring the kids down? Lena has probably never been to a hockey game

alienpuncher: Sounds like a plan.

iamthenight: We’re not done talking about your self-worth issues.

alienpuncher: Can we be?

iamthenight: No

alienpuncher: Fine, just don’t tell the kids or Scrooge.


	25. Brawl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neminine asked: How about having a hockey game against Gos and they get creamed? They messege her to complain about it or Drake won't stop being smug about it.

{4:28 p.m.}

hockeylover: Are you guys still upset you lost?

Hue-y: Yes!

nothinbutgreen: Half those goals were unnecessary

hockeylover: It’s a game! Of course they were necessary!

theDaringDewey: NOT WHEN THE SCORE IS 0-7

hockeylover: You shouldn’t have left your goal open

Hue-y: We didn’t! Our goalie had to duck because the puck was headed straight towards his head!

hockeylover: You need to get a braver goalie

hockeylover: Not to mention your defense was terrible

theDaringDewey: Hey!

nothinbutgreen: I resent that!

hockeylover: You made twenty bucks by betting on my team, Louie

nothinbutgreen: Fair.

nothinbutgreen: I’m still upset, though.

theDaringDewey: LOUIE

nothinbutgreen: What? You know I bet on all our games.

theDaringDewey: QUIT BETTING AGAINST US

nothinbutgreen: You’ve never complained about it before

theDaringDewey: WELL I’M COMPLAINING NOW

Hue-y: Drop it, it’s not worth it

hockeylover: Don’t get mad at Louie because you all collectively suck at hockey

theDaringDewey: We beat the Beagle Boys!

hockeylover: They’re only good because they’re big enough to bully people and get away with it

hockeylover: I’m good because of my skill

Hue-y: Brag about it why don’t you.

hockeylover: It’s not bragging if it’s true

{4:36 p.m.}

iamthenight: My kid beat yours

alienpuncher: Yeah, but she went too far

iamthenight: Don’t be upset just because my child is better than yours

alienpuncher: WHAT

alienpuncher: SAY THAT TO MY FACE DRAKE

iamthenight: Alright.

iamthenight: My Child Is Better Than Yours

alienpuncher: I’M GOING TO HURT YOU

BlatheringBlatherskite: Oookay, let’s not fight

alienpuncher: IT’S NOT GOING TO BE A FIGHT IT’S GOING TO BE A MASSACRE

iamthenight: BRING IT ON, I CAN TAKE YOU

professionalcrasher: Don’t fight, please

BlatheringBlatherskite: Your kids are all great

iamthenight: MINE’S GREATER

alienpuncher: SQUARE UP YOU COCKY VAMPIRE WANNABE

iamthenight: COME AT ME YOU CANTANKEROUS COWARD

{8:06 a.m.}

~Agent33 sent a link~

Agent33: DARKWING DUCK AND THE AVENGER ARE FIGHTING

theDaringDewey: Is that a chair?

nothinbutgreen: Is that a cannon?

Hue-y: Why are they fighting?

Agent33: The article doesn’t say. Apparently, they were caught wrestling in the streets of St. Canard

nothinbutgreen: Who won?

Agent33: Neither

Agent33: The fearsome five showed up and they teamed up to take them down for interrupting their fight

{8:39 a.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: Are you two done?

alienpuncher: Yeah, I’m good. It was nice to spar.

iamthenight: Yeah, it gets old having to fight for your life. Nice left hook.

alienpuncher: Your roundhouse kick was impressive.

iamthenight: Thanks

professionalcrasher: You aren’t mad at one another?

alienpuncher: Nah

iamthenight: No

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’m very confused

alienpuncher: We used to spar a lot before we met you guys. The hockey match was the perfect excuse to start one. That and I had some aggression I needed to let out.

iamthenight: Me too.

professionalcrasher: Why don’t you spar anymore?

iamthenight: No time

BlatheringBlatherskite: Why didn’t you just schedule one?

alienpuncher: We did.

BlatheringBlatherskite: No?? You didn’t?? You yelled at each other and then fought in the middle of the night in a Denny’s parking lot

alienpuncher: yeah

BlatheringBlatherskite: I used to have so much respect for you two

BlatheringBlatherskite: Gone. It’s gone.

BlatheringBlatherskite: You’re both nuts.

alienpuncher: Takes one to known one

BlatheringBlatherskite: I am not insane

iamthenight: You put on a metal suit, basically a coffin, to fight people who are magical, pure liquid, pure plant, and/or dressed like a clown. You’re just as sane as the rest of us.


	26. Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: Family group chat where everyone is speaking in memes and confusing Scrooge

UncleScrooge: I’ve made this chat so that we can all communicate with each other while we are on adventures

Webby: Yay!

Louie: I taught him how and I regret it, it’s too early for this

UncleScrooge: It’s never too early for adventure, Laddie!

Dewey: Oh no

DrakeMallard: Why am I a part of this?

Gosalyn: Because I might be going on the next adventure!

DrakeMallard: Since when?

Huey: We’re going to Canada for the hockey game

DrakeMallard: Why is that an adventure?

UncleScrooge: I have reason to believe an artifact is under the ice

Donald: You’re going to crash a hockey game just to get to the ice?

UncleScrooge: No, we’re going to the game and then speaking to the manager

UncleScrooge: We’ll already be there anyway, may as well get some entertainment out of it.

Louie: I would do anything to get out of this chat

Webby: Anything?

Louie: Anything

Webby: Then Perish

UncleScrooge: Webby!

Louie: You’ll have to catch these hands first!

UncleScrooge: Hands? I don’t have hands in the mansion, where did you get them?

Gosalyn: L, you know how that will go.

Louie: Guess I’ll die then

UncleScrooge: NO

Huey: I might as well die too then

UncleScrooge: WHAT?!

Dewey: SUICIDE PACT!!!

UncleScrooge: DONALD WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE KIDS

Donald: Kids, what do you have?

Webby: Memes!

Donald: NO

DrakeMallard: Hey, Don, guess what?

Donald: What?

DrakeMallard: THIS!!

DrakeMallard: IS!!

Donald: DON’T YOU DARE

Gosalyn: YES, DAD

Dewey: DO IT UNCLE DRAKE

DrakeMallard: A MEME!!

Donald: Hate you so much

Huey: HE DID IT

Donald sent a photo

Gosalyn: IS THAT GRUMPY CAT?!

Louie: THAT’S SUCH AN OLD MEME

UncleScrooge: WHAT IS GOING ON???

Donald: DIE POTATO

DrakeMallard: NOOOOOO

Huey: THEY’RE RELIVING THE MEME DAYS OF OLD

UncleScrooge: WHAT IS A MEME

Dewey: CHILDREN UNITE

Gosalyn: COUNTERATTACK!!

Webby: YEET

Louie: Still haven’t found my berries…

Louie: But! I found this…*licks it*

UncleScrooge: WHAT DID YOU FIND?! DON’T LICK IT!!

Huey: Johnny has 19 bottles of dish soap-

Dewey: Wait, why does Johnny have so much dish soap?

Gosalyn: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS DAVEY

UncleScrooge: WHAT IS HAPPENING

Donald: You’re awful children. You’re killing him. You’re killing your Great Uncle.

Huey: Is that a meme or are we actually in trouble

DrakeMallard: It’s a meme.

Gosalyn: What’s up with Mister Scrooge?

Dewey: He’s questioning his life decisions


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> b-riot2k15 asked: Is it okay to ask if we can see The Caballeros and Xandras battle with Feldrake? Also is it too much to ask to see some interactions between the Caballeros and the rest of the super team? Also do Jose and Panchito know about PK?

[SmoothNoise: IT’S FELLDRAKE]

Donald gets the text and bolts out of the houseboat. 

His feet pound against the wood of the boat and he skids around the corner of the pool to scramble inside the mansion. He tears down the hallway and into the garage where he digs out an old box as quick as he can. He throws the top open and searches around inside desperately before he sees a flash of blue and cold metal greets his hand like an old friend.

The kids had left an hour earlier to the South Pole with Uncle Scrooge and Launchpad, and Mrs. Beakley is out shopping so there’s no one to question him when he runs back to the boat and activates his PK car with a glowing sky blue amulet around his neck.

He flies as fast as he can to the Cabana and he knows he’s close when the sky darkens. He can see a large purple figure in the distance (Felldrake made himself as big as a skyscraper again, no doubt) and he can see the sorcerer swatting at something (or someone) on the ground. Donald doesn’t hesitate to fly his car right into the back of Felldrake’s head. He’s not sure how the villain returned, but right now he doesn’t care.

The car is sent into a roll as it glances off of the evil wizard’s head and Donald fights against the urge to squeeze his eyes shut. The car steadies and he wastes no time looking around for a place to land. He quickly spots the Cabana and flies down, pushing the button that will bring the wheels back out. As far as anyone knows he’s in a normal car now.

He sees Panchito and José in the middle of the empty street, helping each other up from the ground. Their bright colors stand out against the darkness surrounding them. He hops out of his car and runs over. He doesn’t see Xandra anywhere and he really hopes the goddess isn’t stuck insider her book again.

“Guys!”

“Amigo!”

“Donal’!”

They greet him with a cheer and they both smile as if their worst enemy isn’t looming over them with a pained grimace.

“Ouch!” Felldrake whines.

“Armor?” Donald asks, getting right down to business, and Panchito tosses him his sword. “We only had enough time to grab your weapon!”

“Better than nothing,” Donald smirks and turns towards Felldrake before taking up a fighting stance.

“It is good to see you again, my friend.” José chuckles and brandishes his umbrella next to him. Panchito lets out a holler and pulls his pistols out. They’re ready for whatever Felldrake throws at them.

The giant sorcerer snarls and throws a fist down between the three of them. José and Panchito dodge one way and Donald throws himself the other way. 

Donald roars and brings his sword down on the purple giant’s bare hand. He hears Panchito holler again and gunfire echoes down the street. Felldrake picks his hand back up with a yelp. His red eyes narrow and he bares his sharp teeth.

Donald sees the large purple palm headed straight for all three of them, but he can do nothing as he and his friends are swatted aside like flies. He hears cracking wood and he groans as he picks himself up from the wreckage of the Cabana’s front wall. His back twinges as he pulls himself back onto his feet, he’s not looking forward to pulling out all the splinters in his back later.

Felldrake’s laughter fills the air as Donald looks for his friends. They’re both in their own parts of the wall, the wood forcefully bent to make way for their bodies. They both grunt and he stumbles over to help them up.

“No wizard puddle this time?” He asks, clasping hands with Panchito and his friend grins wistfully at the memory and they both shake their heads somberly. Their amulets shift a bit from the motion. Panchito’s red and José’s green resonate softly in time with one another and when Donald glances down he can see his own glowing just as gently.

“I’m afraid it’s just us.” José answers, just as the amulets glow brighter.

Donald feels better instantly, a familiar power rush running through his veins.

“Maybe not.” Panchito smirks.

The Caballeros step away from the house and Donald hurls his sword at Felldrake the same time Panchito fires his guns and José shoots off some black magic from his umbrella. Felldrake’s laugh turns into screams of panic as his form is forcibly shrunken. Donald shares a confused look with his friends.

They shrug.

Magic.

The three step forward cautiously. The clouds leave and the sun breaks through the dark that used to surround them. Felldrake is gone. In his place is Sheldgoose, muttering on the floor and Xandra’s book rests on the ground next to him. Donald picks it up and opens it. Xandra appears with a flash of light, the goddess ready for a fight, “Hah!”

She blinks when she sees the fight is over, “Oh.”

“Hi, Xandra.” Donald greets her

“Donald!” She beams at him and gives him a bruising hug.

Panchito nudges Sheldgoose with his foot. They’ll have to do something about him.

“Sorry, I’m late.” Donald apologizes. It took him longer than he would have liked and he has no idea what happened in the time it took him to arrive.

“You’re here now amigo and we are happy to have you!” Panchito glances over at him with a smile.

His friends sweep him into a group hug and he basks in it. It’s been so long since he’s seen them – too long. It’s good to be a caballero again if only for a day.


	28. Beach Day!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> neminine asked: Oh! On the beach HDLW realize that both Mr. Mallard and Uncle-Dad Donald have a suspicious amount of combat scars. Particularly Mr. Mallard.... What are these ducks doing!?

{11:13 a.m.}

Hue-y: I wasn’t the only one to see that, right?

theDaringDewey: You mean Uncle Drake’s scars?

nothinbutgreen: We’ve seen them before?

Hue-y: Yeah but when the water moves his feathers you can see A LOT more!

Agent33: Anyone up for scuba-diving and totally-not-checking-out-the-scars?

nothinbutgreen: We’re in

{11:31 a.m.}

theDaringDewey: UNCLE DONALD HAS SCARS

Hue-y: Where are the you guys?

nothinbutgreen: Webby and I ran towards the shack the second we were spotted

Hue-y: Dewey and I are pretending we were by the towels the whole time. Why didn’t you do the same?

nothinbutgreen: The sand was too hot for that, I swear my feet are burned and I only ran half the distance you guys did.

Agent33: Ah the beauty of beach days

theDaringDewey: HAVE YOU ALL COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE FACT THAT UNCLE DONALD HAS SCARS!!

Agent33: We all saw them, Dewey. It’s how we got caught, remember?

Hue-y: The question is how did he get them?

nothinbutgreen: There were a lot of them too, I want to say he has more than Uncle Drake but I’m not sure

theDaringDewey: A couple of them looked like Uncle Drakes

Agent33: There were definitely knife scars, yeah

Hue-y: KNIFE SCARS?!

Agent33: Yeah? Mr. Drake had some gun scars too HE’S DEFINITELY A WEREWOLF

nothinbutgreen: Uncle Donald might have gotten his from adventuring, but where did Uncle Drake get his?

theDaringDewey: I don’t know, that’s a lot of scars for adventuring and Uncle Scrooge didn’t have nearly as many!

Hue-y: Well yeah, but he’s Uncle Donald.

theDaringDewey: Fair

Agent33: IT’S BECAUSE HE’S A WEREWOLF, I BET HE’S TAKEN ON A LOT OF HUNTERS WHO WERE GOING AFTER HIS PELT

theDaringDewey: …no.

Agent33: Awww

Hue-y: Looks like we’re adding it to the board.


	29. Blackmail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: Paperinik being sent to the future and meeting Drake and Fenton and them having to make him trust them and keep him from seeing too much like his kids or anything related to what happens to his friends & Della, it would also be cool for them to see what he was like in his hero days/prime, maybe team up!

{8:32 p.m.}

iamthenight: You’re so old

alienpuncher: EXCUSE YOU

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yeah younger you had less stress lines

alienpuncher: Oh did you finally meet me? I was wondering when it would happen.

iamthenight: You remember?

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING

alienpuncher: Time Reasons. Did you fight the time pirates?

iamthenight: Yeah, your friend Lyla is awesome by the way

BlatheringBlatherskite: She’s so cool

iamthenight: You were way too trusting, Fenton and I spotted you while we were patrolling, walked up, and told you we were superheroes and you believed us

alienpuncher: You weren’t lying??

iamthenight: We could have

alienpuncher: Oh right, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you guys since then

BlatheringBlatherskite: ?

alienpuncher: How come you were acting so weird? You kept yanking me out of view of the Mansion

iamthenight: Your kids were running around in the yard.

alienpuncher: Makes sense.

{4:35 a.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: You were way cooler

alienpuncher: HEY

BlatheringBlatherskite: Sorry, it’s 4 am and my brain has stopped filtering

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’m not wrong tho, you were way cooler than the news made you out to be

BlatheringBlatherskite: You didn’t even let the one pirate finish his speech. You just shot him with the paralyzer

alienpuncher: He was rambling.

iamthenight: Your one-liners used to be way cooler too

alienpuncher: YOU HELP ME COME UP WITH HALF OF WHAT I USE TODAY

iamthenight: THE ONES I COME UP WITH ARE FINE, YOU USED TO BE WAY MEANER WITH YOUR COMEBACKS

alienpuncher: I’ve raised children since then, my heart has softened.

alienpuncher: Plus I’ve fought pretty much the same people over the years, I can’t exactly reuse my best ones.

iamthenight: It’s a pain, isn’t it?

alienpuncher: At least I get different Evronians, you’re stuck with the same people

iamthenight: I have to keep coming up with new intros, it’s not easy being a hero

alienpuncher: The things we do to protect our cities

BlatheringBlatherskite: Tragic

BlatheringBlatherskite: Your suit looked different

alienpuncher: I wear somethingsomething fibers now, back then I was in real clothes

iamthenight: How articulate of you

alienpuncher: I don’t understand half the science that’s spewed at me, I’m just here to save the day.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Your shield hasn’t changed much

alienpuncher: That’s even more science jargon I don’t understand.

BlatheringBlatherskite: But you used it so well

alienpuncher: Yeah because I’m used to it, I still don’t know half of what the shield can do.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Its like the gizmosuit but smaller

BlatheringBlatherskite: A gizmosheild

alienpuncher: Yes, Fenton

BlatheringBlatherskite: Whoa

iamthenight: Go to sleep, Fenton.

iamthenight: How old were you when we met you?

alienpuncher: Uh, I think 17

iamthenight: WHAT

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT

alienpuncher: Go to sleep Fenton

iamthenight: I WAS FIGHTING CRIMINALS WITH A C H I L D

alienpuncher: YOU FIGHT CRIMINALS WITH GOSALYN

iamthenight: YEAH BUT ONLY A COUPLE AT A TIME NOT A FULL-ON TIME PIRATE GANG

BlatheringBlatherskite: A B A B Y

alienpuncher: GO TO SLEEP FENTON

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’M TELLING SCROOGE

alienpuncher: YOU WOULDN’T DARE

iamthenight: HE WOULD IF HE HAS ME BACKING HIM UP

alienpuncher: I HAVE FOUR YEARS OF BLACKMAIL ON YOU SO SIT YOUR TAIL FEATHERS DOWN

iamthenight: YOU’RE BLUFFING

alienpuncher: TUSCANINI

alienpuncher: GUY’S NIGHT

iamthenight: YOU’RE NOT BLUFFING

alienpuncher: GOSALYN HAS TO SEND YOUR EMBARRASING PHOTOS TO SOMEONE

iamthenight: I’VE BEEN BETRAYED BY MY OWN DAUGHTER?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: JAJAJAJAJAJA

alienpuncher: I’VE GOT STUFF ON YOU TOO, SMART GUY

BlatheringBlatherskite: Mierda

{10:45 a.m.}

professionalcrasher: Hey guys! What did I miss?


	30. Uno-enabler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anonymous asked: Please can we get some more Uno and kid antics?

{11:54 a.m.}

[redacted]: If you fight them, your Uncle will know

Louie: They’re saying bad things about him!

[redacted]: Your safety is more important to him than the words of strangers

Louie: Was that you?

[redacted]: I don’t know what you’re talking about

Louie: Their phones just exploded

[redacted]: I repeat, I do not know what you are talking about

Louie: thank you

{9:21 p.m.}

[redacted]: The right path is clear

[redacted]: Turn left

Dewey: Where next?

[redacted]: Continue straight

Dewey: What are you, a gps?

[redacted]: For now.

[redacted]: The police are on their way. Once you get outside wait for them.

Dewey: But Uncle Donald and Uncle Scrooge will know we snuck into Glomgold’s Mansion!

[redacted]: Yes.

Dewey: Not happening.

[redacted]: They already know so go back to the driveway and wait

Dewey: >:C

{4:08 p.m.}

Huey: What do you know about sines and cosines?

[redacted]: A lot

Huey: Can you explain it to me?

[redacted]: Of course

{1:22 p.m.}

[redacted]: Then all you have to do is pull the pin to arm it

Webby: Thanks! Now the Beagle Boys can’t follow us!

[redacted]: Don’t linger, find your family before the Beagle Boys trigger the bomb and get out. The temple is unstable.

Webby: On it!

{7:38 p.m.}

[redacted]: Did any of you bring a port?

Dewey: A what?

Huey: What kind of port?

Louie: I brought my charger

[redacted]: Plug one of your phones into the computer.

Webby: What are you going to do?

[redacted]: You are on a time limit and you need the information Beaks has. I can get it for you.

Huey: Ok, but please hurry

[redacted]: Done

Dewey: WHAT?! THAT WAS STUPID FAST

Webby: Guys get out of the office, Huey and I hear someone coming!

Louie: We’re on our way.

Dewey: You want to give us directions?

[redacted]: I’m the one who got you in, am I not?

Webby: I can’t wait to post Mark’s cosplay photos

Huey: It’s going to be great.

{2:54 a.m.}

Uno: I like the young ducks

Donald: Are you still talking to them?

Uno: Yes. They are a lot like you.

Uno: They are more intelligent, however.

Donald: WATCH IT, SILICON FOR BRAINS


	31. Karaoke Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ds-7689 asked: What about the heroes having a karaoke and Fenton just blows everyone everyone away

Fenton gets a very large confidence boost once he’s had a few drinks. Donald found this out pretty quickly after they went to a bar in town after stopping the I-40 bridge from collapsing. Whatever nerves that held the other duck back when he was sober vanished once he got well and truly drunk. So really, Donald should have seen this coming.

It’s Saturday night and Donald is trying to find Fenton in the crowded bar room. It had been Drake’s idea to go to a bar and Launchpad’s idea to go to the only one in town with Karaoke. Donald had appointed himself Designated Driver and did his best to keep his friends in his sights. With Drake, that was easier said than done and once he finally located the Mallard, Fenton had vanished. Donald leads Drake over to their table, where Launchpad is rambling on and on about planes to his very enthusiastic listener The Fern.

Donald sits Drake down and pulls Launchpad’s attention from the plant to Drake, “Watch him for a minute, I’m going to go find Fenton.”

Drake leans against Launchpad’s large arm and looks like he’s about to cry over how muscular the other duck is. Donald leaves them to each other and dives back into the crowd of people. The large group cheers all at once and Donald groans because the last thing he needs right now is another drunk singer who sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

“I see what’s happening here.” A soft, smooth voice comes over the speakers, “You’re face-to-face with greatness and it’s strange.” Donald whips his head around to look at the stage. He knows that voice.

“You don’t even know how you feel, it’s adorable. It’s nice to see that humans never change.” There he is, Fenton Crackshell-Cabrera is up by the karaoke machine, making a sweeping motion with one hand as if he’s talking to the crowd. His other hand is holding the mic and Donald would be lying if he said he wanted to rip it out of his grip.

“Open your eyes, let’s begin. Yes it’s really me, breathe it in. I know it’s a lot, the hair, the bod.” A couple people laugh, but Donald can hear others give an appreciative hum, “When you’re staring at a demigod.”

And now Donald knows Fenton is drunk because he would never be this cocky sober. As good as he sounds, he doesn’t usually have the confidence to back it up. Right now, however, he looks like he’s in his element and thriving. He’s got a slight grin on his face and his posture is relaxed and open.

“So what can I say except “You’re welcome” for the tide, the sun, the sky. Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay, you’re welcome. I’m just an ordinary demi-guy.” The beat drops and Fenton keeps pace just fine. The bar is loving it. Donald pushes through the crowd to get closer.

“So what can I say except “You’re welcome” for the tide, the sun, the sky. Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay, you’re welcome I’m just an ordinary demi-guy.” Fenton starts moving around as the rap portion of the song comes up. His free hand moves around to emphasize each line and, without ever moving from his spot by the machine, he puts his whole body into the song.

“Honestly, I could go on and on I could explain every natural phenomenon: The tide, the grass, the ground.” He lists them off by hand and then gives an unapologetic grin, “Oh, that was me I was messing around.”

“I killed a snake, I buried its guts. Sprouted a tree, now we’ve got coconuts. What’s the lesson? What is the takeaway? Don’t mess with Maui when he’s on a breakaway.” He lectures the crowd. Donald is almost to the front.

“And the tapestry here in my skin. Is a map of the victories I win. Look where I’ve been I make everything happen.” Fenton speeds up. “ Look at that mean mini Maui just tikkity tappin’,  
singing and scratchin’, flipping and snappin’. People are clappin’ hearing me rap and bring the chorus back in!” Fenton whoops and practically shouts, “Well anyway, let me say you’re welcome for the wonderful world you know! Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay you’re welcome!”

Fenton spots Donald right as he breaks through the last wall of cheering bystanders. “Well, come to think of it, I gotta go! Hey, it’s your day to say you’re welcome ‘cause I’m gonna need that boat!”

Fenton inches away, thinking Donald is here to pull him off the stage, “I’m sailing away, away, you’re welcome ‘cause Maui’s the ultimate god!”

“You’re welcome, you’re welcome!” He bows at the end and Donald steps up next to him. He puts a hand on his shoulder, “Come on Fenton, I think you’ve had enough fun for one night.”

“That was great, right?” Fenton asks, the alcohol-induced confidence breaking for a moment.

“That was the best I’ve heard all night.” Donald grins and leads Fenton back to their table, “You should sing for us more often.”


	32. Cousin Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anonymous asked: What do you say to Donald, Gladstone, and Fethry getting up to some crazy cousin shenanigans?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to post this on AO3...

{8:05 a.m.}

~ArtLoon changed their name to BestScientist~

Donald: Stop

Donald: Pick a freaking name and stick with it

LuckyGoose: Ah let him be Don, it’s not hurting anyone

Donald: He does this every single week!

LuckyGoose: So?

Donald: It’s annoying! I keep thinking it’s something important and then I come check and all he’s done is change his name!

BestScientist: Misti thinks it’s a good name

LuckyGoose: Who’s Misti

Donald: I don’t want to know

BestScientist: She’s part of my team!

~LuckyGoose sent a photo~

LuckyGoose: IS THAT YOU

Donald: What the entire f@!#

Donald: SINCE WHEN CAN WE CENSOR A CHAT?!

BestScientist: Yes! That’s me and Misti! Are you on the dock? We’ll come say hi!

LuckyGoose: MISTI IS HUGE

{8:32 a.m.}

Donald: Gladstone did you get eaten?

BestScientist: Donald! Misti wouldn’t do that!

Donald: …so did he or did he not get eaten?

LuckyGoose: I am fine. We’re both on Misti.

Donald: Why?

LuckyGoose: Cause she’s a giant rainbow-colored sea monster and I wanted to rider her?

BestScientist: Onwards Misti! To new lands!

LuckyGoose: I kind of want you here too, Donald. This is pretty cool.

Donald: dO NoT

{9:26 a.m.}

~Donald sent a photo~

Donald: I hate you

Donald: SO much

BestScientist: That’s us, Donald! You’re close by! We’ll come get you!

Donald: NO

LuckyGoose: Come on Cuz, how long has it been since you’ve hung out with us

Donald: NOT LONG ENOUGH

LuckyGoose: You wound us

BestScientist: You’re so funny Donald!

{9:41 a.m.}

Donald: Where are we going

LuckyGoose: I don’t know

BestScientist: Me neither

Donald: Are you telling me

Donald: that we are on a sea monster

Donald: THAT NO ONE IS DRIVING?!

LuckyGoose: Relax DD, we’ll be fine. After all, I’m here.

Donald: Great, I feel better already

BestScientist: That’s the spirit!

{11:06 a.m.}

Donald: WHAT IS THAT

Donald: WHAT THE #%@* IS THAT

LuckyGoose: I DON’T KNOW, IT’S COMING RIGHT AT US

BestScientist: A new friend!

Donald: NO

LuckyGoose: NO FETHRY

{11:29 a.m.}

LuckyGoose: Nice save, D.

Donald: You are worse than the triplets, is anyone hurt?

BestScientist: Donald! You can’t just punch a new friend in the face just because they were going to eat me!

Donald: I CAN AND I DID

LuckyGoose: I’m with Donald on this one Fethry, that thing was giving Misti a hard time and you almost became its lunch.

BestScientist: It’s not an It, it’s a Kraken!

Donald: What? Are you nuts? It was a Megalodon!

LuckyGoose: You’re both wrong, it was a giant crab.

Donald: Are you two stupid or is there something else going on here?

LuckyGoose: I know what a crab looks like DONALD

BestScientist: A Kraken is just a giant squid, right?

Donald: Close enough

{12:38 p.m.}

LuckyGoose: WHAT’S HAPPENING

BestScientist: THIS IS AWESOME

Donald: IT’S CHARYBDIS

LuckyGoose: THAT’S NOT A REAL WORD

Donald: IT’S A GIANT WHIRLPOOL, WE’RE GOING TO DIE, I AM GOING TO DIE WITH MY PHONE IN MY HANDS, TEXTING YOU TWO

LuckyGoose: YOU COULD JUST TALK TO US

Donald: NO, I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE NOISE AND YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND ME WHEN I SHOUT

{12:53 p.m.}

LuckyGoose: OH THANK GOD

Donald: I can’t believe a Greek sea monster choked because Misti was too big for it to swallow

BestScientist: Misti is very talented!

Donald: Can we go home

LuckyGoose: Yes, let’s

{1:17 p.m.}

LuckyGoose: Donald what are you doing?

BestScientist: Donald why are you acting weird?

LuckyGoose: DONALD NO THOSE ARE SIRENS

BestScientist: GRAB HIM QUICK

{1:26 p.m.}

Donald: Gladstone is there something you want to tell us

LuckyGoose: ?

Donald: You know Sirens know that past and future right

LuckyGoose: And?

Donald: I saw your future...someone has a crush.

LuckyGoose: DO NOT TELL UNCLE SCROOGE

Donald: IS SHE PLAYING WITH YOU?! ARE YOU UNDER A SPELL?! WHAT POTION DID SHE MAKE YOU DRINK?!

LuckyGoose: NO

LuckyGoose: NO I JUST

LuckyGoose: I

LuckyGoose: I might…have run into her a couple times…

Donald: Are you cursed?

LuckyGoose: No!

Donald: Did she give you something to drink?

LuckyGoose: NO

LuckyGoose: SHE HASN’T DONE ANYTHING TO ME

Donald: Then we have a problem

LuckyGoose: WHAT?

Donald: Scrooge is going to find out eventually.

LuckyGoose: I KNOW OK?! I KNOW IT CAN’T WORK, SHE WON’T CHANGE FOR ME AND I WON’T DROP YOU GUYS FOR HER. I JUST CAN’T HELP BUT TRY TO MAKE IT WORK!

BestScientist: I’m confused

Donald: Gladstone is dating Magica de Spell. We’re going to have to figure out how to get Scrooge into accepting it

LuckyGoose: NO DON’T TELL HIM

Donald: He’s going to find out sooner or later, we just need him to be as open and as accepting as we can possibly get him.

LuckyGoose: NO

Donald: Gladstone.

LuckyGoose: I SAID NO

Donald: Fine.

LuckyGoose: wait what?

Donald: If you don’t want to tell him, fine. I just think we need to start thinking about damage control.

BestScientist: You can’t help who you love Gladdy! We support you!

Donald: Gladstone, I can’t breathe, you’re squishing my ribs!

{2:32 p.m.}

Donald: If it does turn out that she’s playing you, I’m going to throttle you both.

LuckyGoose: She’s not

LuckyGoose: …but thanks. I love you.

BestScientist: I love you too, Gladdy!

Donald: Uh huh.

BestScientist: Say iiiiit

Donald: No

LuckyGoose: You know you want to.

Donald: …I love you too.


End file.
